For the Love of a Child
by srusse87
Summary: (Complete) Goku is dead and Chi Chi followed shortly after giving birth to Goten. Gohan has spent the last five years raising him on his own. I wanted to write about their lives. Yes, I made Gohan much more serious, but I think Goten more than makes up
1. Chapter 1

"For the Love of a Child" 

Disclaimer: I definitely don't own Dragon Ball Z, or I wouldn't have just taken out another loan to pay for my last year of college.

Chapter 1

I stared at the computer screen in front of me not really seeing the words I'd typed, my mind had wandered away, deep inside my head to those dark places we all try to avoid. These past few weeks I felt as if there was a caged animal pacing inside me trying to break free. I didn't even find much comfort in my brother's bright smile. You know your bad off when not even a five year old's innocent joy in life can lift your spirits. I gave up on the computer and walked over to the window, staring out at the grey waves crashing around the rocks below. They reflected the heavy darkness of the sky. The corner of my mouth twitched as I almost smiled at the irony, my mood matching nature around me, what is the English term for that? Pathetic fallacy? Yeah, that's it, where the sky cries my tears. Snorting at this image I turned and slid down until I was slumped against the wall, head resting against the windowsill as I stared up at the ceiling.

I came to this place, so remote from everything around it, so completely different from the bright woods and meadows I'd grown up in, hoping to escape the demons left behind in that home. Stupid really, I should have known the demons were inside me, moving clear across the world wasn't going to vanquish them. I looked down at my hands and thought about everything I'd lost in my life. My childhood, my innocence, my father, my mother, and my compassion. I had turned away fromall thatand now stood facing the world through cold hard eyes, eyes that showed no reflection of my soul because I'd lost it so very long ago. Now the only warm spot left in this body of mine is for a small child. A child I'd held in my arms as we watched our mother die. I'd sworn to myself at that moment that I would protect him from all the suffering I'd gone through. He would never know the pain of having someone leave him, of having to grow up too fast, of fighting insurmountable obstacles. He'd grow up to be pure sunshine and joy.

I suppose I wanted him to be as happy as the man I refused to talk about, who's picture I'd showed him once and then threw away. Our father, a man who created joy just by being alive and who I hated so much for taking that joy with him when he died. The doctors said my mother died of complications in child-birth. I know the truth though, she died of a broken heart and left to go be with my father. Left me to raise Goten all by myself. I was only twelve at the time. I think that is when I lost the last of my faith in the world and people around me. I took Goten and left everything behind me, left our friends, home, all that reminded me of what I'd lost. I didn't want Goten to have to carry the burdens I'd carried my entire life, nor be haunted by the ghosts of those who'd left us behind.

So we came to this place on the ocean, I built this house and slowly started to make a place for myself and Goten. I took online courses, completing my education and getting several degrees. It hadn't been necessary for anyone to know I was only fifteen at the time, plus it gave me more time to spend with Goten. Since then I've made quite a name for myself as a writer of fiction, under a pseudonym obviously, and I've also become quite famous as a prominent child psychologist, also under an assumed name. Everybody thinks Dr. James Grant is a distinguished British gentleman. It doesn't really matter what they think, as long as I'm allowed to live my life in peace.

I've watched Goten grow and tried to balance education and training with the most important task of just being a little kid. Granted I didn't want him to grow up as stupid as our father had been. He may have been a brave man, a good man, hell most would say a great man, but damn if he wasn't thick. It probably wasn't pure stupidity, more like naivety, an innocence he never lost from childhood. But in this world we all have to grow up sometime, we can't all be the golden boy Goku. Funny, I used to be a bit of a golden boy myself. Amazing what the real world does to a person.

I'm not making the same mistake my mother made with me either. Push, push, nag, nag that woman practically heckled me into studying my life away. I'm surprised I remained as normal as I did. When I wasn't studying I was fighting, where was there time for me to be a little boy? I can count those brief moments on one hand, bright memories I carried with me through hours of mathematical equations and English grammar lessons.

No, I'm not going to make that mistake with Goten. By the time I was five I'd destroyed an evil villain, helped save my father and the planet from another evil villain, mastered the art of flying and energy attacks, and could do calculus equations that stumped college students. I think that's a little abnormal. I have a slightly more laid back approach with Goten. He can read, which I don't think is that advanced for his age, and it's not as if he's reading _The Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire_, he really loves _Thomas the Tank Engine_. And he can do basic math problems, I don't want him to be a total idiot. But mostly I let his education take him where he fancies. He loves nature and can name most of the animal and plant life in the area where we live. For the most part I just let him be a little five year old boy. Running around, getting dirty, driving me crazy at times with his questions about everything...he's a good kid.

My kid, I suppose. How can you raise someone and not have them be your child? He calls me Daddy. I told him about our mother and father, he knows I'm his brother but what's in a name? What is a dad? Someone who is there for you, who loves you, who wipes away the tears and kisses the scrapes. Someone who chases the monsters under the bed away and rubs your back at night. Brother, father, Gohan, Goten, it doesn't really matter. I'll be his Dad, I'll be the Dad that was never there for me, who pushed me into saving the world at the age of eleven, who pushed me to always try harder, give that little more, and who left me alone with a newborn baby at the age of twelve, left me when I really needed him the most. I've replaced that man; he chose to leave on his own free will, what right does anyone have to say that I can't and shouldn't fill his shoes?

I can hear Goten now, he's been outside playing but it's nearly dinner time. The room has become darker while I sit here thinking. The back door slams and I can hear him run down the hall. He bursts in carrying a frog cupped in his hands and skids to a stop in front of me a big grin on his face. The room feels a little warmer now, how can one person do that? I use to have that gift, but it died on a battlefield years ago. I shake my head to clear it of these thoughts and focus on Goten in front of me.

"What's up little man?" I reach out and pull him down into my lap, holding him close as thunder rumbles in the distance. He snuggles into me and carefully holds the frog up for my inspection.

"His name is Mr. Hoppers, he was under the steps."

"Mr. Hoppers huh? Do you think he'd like to live in the garden?" I ask, hoping this isn't going to be another plea to bring some wild animal into the house. Goten gently strokes the top of the frogs head while he thinks.

"Do you think he'd like the garden?"

"Oh I'm sure, it has all sorts of grass and things to hide in and it will be cool and damp for him as well." I study the head that is resting against my chest, I can tell he is thinking over my suggestion seriously by the wrinkle on his forehead. Finally he looks up and smiles at me.

"I think Mr. Hoppers would like that a lot. I'll go take him there right..." he's interrupted by the loud crack of the thunder directly over head, the storm has arrived quicker than I anticipated. Seeing the hesitation in his face, I stand, picking him up at the same time.

"Let's go take Mr. Hoppers to his new home together and then we'll come inside and make some dinner." He nodded in relief and we go outside to deliver 'Mr. Hoppers' to his new home before the rain beats us to it.

Later that night I was drying Goten off after his bath when he brought up the subject of school.

"Daddy? When can I go to school and play with other kids like Peter?" I stopped rubbing the towel in his hair and stared at him for a second trying to remember who Peter was. Oh yes, he'd been reading a story last night about a little boy's first day at school. I sighed and sat down on the edge of the tub, pulling Goten on my lap. I should have known this would come eventually.

"Well let's see, you have to be six to start the first grade, hmmm... and you'll be six in two, three years was it?" I looked down at Goten and tapped my chin in puzzlement. He giggled and shook his head.

"Daaaad! I'm five you know!" He bounced up and down in excitement and held up six fingers. "I'll be six really fast! October 12th!" He looked puzzled for a second.

"What month is it Daddy?" I laughed and set him down in front of me, resuming my rubbing of his hair with the towel.

"It's July."

"Right! Sooo..." he wrinkled up his face in thought, counting the months on his fingers. "July, August, Sep..Sept..."  
"September," I supplied hiding my grin.

"Yeah September, and then October!" He finished with a shout and looked down at his fingers. "That's two months to go. Can I go to school in October?" His large eyes looked up at me pleading and I felt the hard edges inside me soften.

"Well squirt, school starts in September but I think I can manage to get you in even though you'll still have a month to go." I would miss having the little guy around but seeing the excitement on his face, I knew I'd made the right choice.

"Really Dad? Really?"

I nodded and he let out a yell, jumpingup and down pumping his fist in the air.

"I have to go tell Mr. Hoppers!" And he took off racing through the house without a stitch of clothing on. I laughed and chased after him with the towel.

"Come back you little streaker, we have to get your pajamas on!"

TBC

So this is my first installment. It started rather angsty, but I had a lot of fun with Goten and that cheered me up. I have more written, I will be updating regularly. I am always willing to make changes and LOVE suggestions and comments. Please review and let me know what you think!


	2. Chapter 2

"For the Love of a Child"  
  
Disclaimer: Looking around my room, nope still don't own DBZ. Drat. Also, the lullaby I have Gohan sing to Goten, I sort of borrowed it from Outlaw Star. It's a beautiful song, I've actually sang it while babysitting myself. Just so you know. Don't own that either.  
  
*Chapter 2*  
  
The rest of July and August seemed to fly by, with Goten getting even more excited. He'd made himself a calender and hung it on his bedroom wall and marked a day off every night. Tomorrow was the big day and Goten was bouncing off the walls getting out of bed every five minutes to double check everything was packed in his new blue backpack and that his clothes were all laid out where he had placed them. I had caught him sneaking out of bed for what had to be the thirteenth time when I finally scooped him up in my arms and carried him out to the rocking chair that faced the wide windows looking out over the ocean. The only light illuminating the room came from the moon shining in the window. I settled into the chair and started to slowly rock back and forth rubbing Goten's back as he clutched my shirt with his fist. Softly I started to sing a lullaby I'd used to calm him and put him to sleep since the first time I'd held him in my arms.  
  
I don't know what words I can say,  
The wind has a way to talk to me,  
Flowers sing a silent lullaby, I pray for reply, I'm ready  
  
Quiet days, calm me, oh serenity  
Someone please tell me, ohhh what is it they say?  
Maybe I'll know one day.  
  
I don't know what words I can say,  
The wind has a way to talk to me,  
Flowers sing a silent lullaby, I pray for reply, I'm ready  
  
I've never been entirely sure where I got the lullaby from, it was just there in my mind when I needed it. Maybe my own mother sang it to me when I was a baby, who knows the mind of a child is an amazing thing. I looked down at Goten sleeping in my arms, face buried in my chest, hair sticking out all over as usual. It looked just like Dad's, in fact Goten was the mirror image of Goku at his age, I remember pictures my mother had shown me. There is something so unique about Goten though, it doesn't bother me that he looks like my Dad. I had thought for a while about cutting it shorter, but in the end I'd left it alone. While I kept my own hair short, it still insisted on spiking up, like Goten's, the defying gravity trait of all Saiyans' hair.  
  
I carried Goten back to his room and tucked him before heading off to my own bed. I probably wouldn't sleep much, I hadn't slept well for several weeks now, and usually found myself going to the gravity training room I'd built and pushing myself until I finally collapsed in exhaustion. But every night I started out in bed, hoping to break this endless cycle the demons in my head had created. Unfortunately this night was no different, after tossing and turning for an hour I gave up and threw on a pair of gi pants, not bothering with a shirt. I set the gravity at 700 and started working out. I'd ascended to Super Saiyan 3 a couple of months ago but found that unlike the first two forms, this one was physically draining. It could only be held for so long before the body's energy had drained, though with time and training I was gradually extending the length I could hold the form.  
  
As I increased the speed and intensity of my attacks I idly wondered if there was a form past this one, and if so what changes it would make to the body. I'd been irritated to discover this third level caused my hair to grow to the floor and made my brow ridges protrude so far I resembled a caveman. And I'm not being vain, I could care less what I look like but long hair can be a serious liability in a fight. Deep inside I also knew it was because it reminded me of the first time I'd turned Super Saiyan while training with Dad. I'd had long hair and when I went super it changed to look just the way it does at this third level. Dad had laughed and taken me inside to cut my hair short. I'd been so impressed because he gave much better hair cuts than my mother ever had.  
  
What is this I feel inside? Anger? Sorrow? Regret? Yes, regret with a little sorrow for that young boy I use to be. Less than a month later my father would be dead, seven months later my mother would follow. Shaking my head I pushed myself harder, cranking up the gravity to 775, and drowning my conscious in nothing but the struggle to get faster and resist the forces pushing me to the floor. Three hours later I dragged my much abused body back to my bed and finally felt the oblivion of sleep take me.  
  
I was woken up at five o'clock the next morning by Goten jumping up on my bed and tugging on my arms.  
  
"Dad! Dad! Dad dad dad dad DAD!" He chanted as he hopped up and down pulling as he sang.  
  
I groaned and glanced at the clock next to my bed. An hour and half of sleep, my body protested as I sat up and followed Goten still skipping and chanting to the kitchen. Popping a senzu bean in my mouth and swallowing it dry I knelt down and grabbed Goten sitting him on the counter in front of me. He'd already put on his clothes and had his bag strapped onto his back. Chuckling I reached out and tousled his always messy hair.  
  
"Morning kiddo! All ready for your first day at school?" He nodded and squirmed and I shook my head.  
  
"Hey there, you can't go without eating breakfast first! What do you want?" He stopped fidgeting and thought for a moment. Food in this house is taken very seriously and not even the excitement of the first day at school would deter Goten from a meal.  
  
"Eggs, bacon, and animal pancakes!" He finally decided, clapping his hands and smiling at me. I nodded and set him back down on the ground.  
  
"Ok, go and get the eggs and bacon for me and I'll get started."  
An hour later I had Goten on my back as we flew towards the nearest town. I had registered him last month so all that was left was to introduce myself and Goten to his new teacher and then say goodbye. When we arrived at the town I landed behind the school and we walked around the building. After asking directions to his classroom we found the right room and I led Goten in. An older woman, with blonde hair was standing in front of a desk and turned when we entered the room.  
  
"Hello there! You must be one of my new students!" She smiled down at Goten who had hid behind my legs. Bending down I picked him up and held him.  
  
"Goten this is your teacher..."  
  
"Mrs. Susan Thomas." She smiled at me and held out her hand.  
  
I shook it briefly and then looked down at Goten giving him a gentle squeeze.  
  
"Goten, this is your teacher Mrs. Thomas, I'm sure you're going to have lots of fun with her and the other kids today." He looked at me and nodded smiling weakly. He leaned over and whispered in my ear, "Daddy, I think I change my mind, this is kind of scary." I laughed and pulled him closer into a hug.  
  
"Don't worry kiddo," I whispered back, "Everything will be fine you'll see, just give it a try for today, ok?"  
  
He nodded and I set him down. He walked cautiously over to his teacher and held out his hand. "It's nice to meet you Mrs. Thomas. I'm Son Goten." He looked back at me and I nodded in approval and he seemed to lose some of his caution. Looking back at his new teacher he smiled proudly and held up his hand displaying five fingers. "And I'm five!" He announced.  
  
Chuckling the woman took Goten's hand and led him over to a tiny desk.  
  
"This is where you will sit for the year Goten, why don't you draw a picture while we wait for the other children to arrive."  
  
Goten nodded and then looked back at me tearfully. Suddenly he ran back and buried his face in my leg. Crouching down I tipped his head so I could see his face and smiled at him.  
  
"Hey there little man, don't cry! I'll be right outside waiting to get you at three o'clock. You'll see Goten, you're going to have lots of fun, I promise."  
  
Sniffing he nodded again and waved as I headed toward the door, at the last moment I remembered and turned back toward him.  
  
"Don't forget Goten, be really gentle when you play with the other kids. Like when you hold a wild animal, ok?"  
  
He nodded cupping his hands in front of him. "I know, soft and gentle!" I smiled and waved again, nodding to his teacher before leaving the room. -------  
Susan Thomas stared as the young man nodded stiffly at her and left the classroom. The little boy Goten had gone back to his desk and was humming softly to himself while he started drawing a picture. The man, teenager really, couldn't have been any older than eighteen or nineteen and she shivered as she remembered the look in his eyes. Hard and cold, ruthless they'd stared at her as if the could see down into her very soul. She had seen them change though when he looked at the little boy, they'd softened and even though he had smiled his eyes had seemed to be filled with deep sorrow. Shaking her head at her flight of fancy she turned and crouched down next to Goten who seemed to be drawing a picture of a man with short black hair, very similar to the spiky haired youth who had just left.  
  
"Goten? Who was that man who brought you here? That's him you're drawing isn't it?" She smiled and pointed at the picture. Goten didn't look up, apparently intent on coloring in what looked to be a bright yellow cloud.  
  
"My daddy." He looked over and smiled, "His name is Gohan and he is the strongest bestest dad in the whole wide world." He went back to his picture and Susan stood up surprised.  
  
Dad? How could that be possible, the young man had looked barely old enough to be in college!  
  
"Hey Goten, what about your mom?" He looked up surprise on his face.  
  
"I don't have a mom, she died a long time ago when I was born. I live with Daddy in a big house on the ocean with Mr. Hoppers."  
  
"Mr. Hoppers?" she asked weakly.  
  
"Yeah! He's a frog who lives in our garden, I found him under the steps!"  
  
"Oh I see." Susan Thomas patted Goten absently on the shoulder and walked back over to her desk. There had to be more to this story then Goten was telling, it just wasn't possible for a guy as young as that Gohan to have raised this child. There must be parents or a guardian or something. She was interrupted from her thoughts by the arrival of more parents with their children, making a mental note to check more into Goten's background when school got out. -------  
I had spent the day revising some papers that were to be sent to a medical journal. The house seemed strangely quiet without Goten running back and forth, coming in to show me new things he found or playing somewhere in the house talking and singing to himself. It was cold, I could feel the coldness inside me creeping out into the study where I worked and I caught myself looking at the clock again counting the hours till I could go pick up Goten. Finally in disgust I went outside and sat in a deck chair watching the waves and thinking my usual dark thoughts. It was a huge relief when I was able to go fly off and meet Goten.  
  
I was waiting when he walked out with his teacher and a group of other students. Seeing me he gave a shout and raced over. I picked him up and spun him around, watching him laugh and nearly crying as I felt his warmth seep into me as he wrapped his arms around my neck and kissed me on the cheek.  
  
"I missed you Daddy!"  
  
"I missed you too little man. Did you have fun?" He nodded and showed me a picture he had drawn.  
  
"Hey that's me! And there you are sitting on Nimbus! That's really good Goten, how about we put this on the fridge when we get home?"  
  
He grinned and nodded and I started to walk off when I heard a woman calling.  
  
"Mr. Son?" Surprised I turned back to see Goten's teacher hurrying over toward us. Tightening my arms around him I waited for the woman to catch up.  
  
"Mr. Son? I just wanted to tell you that Goten had a very successful first day, I know he was a little shy at first..." I watched her waiting for her to continue, she seemed a little nervous for some reason.  
  
"I came to speak to you because I wanted to arrange a good time for the home visit."  
  
I raised an eyebrow and looked at her questioningly. "Home visit?"  
  
She swallowed, "ah yes, you see the teachers are required to make a visit to the home's of their students, get to know their parents and the environment where they live."  
  
I stifled my irritation, the woman was just trying to do her job and nodded slowly.  
  
"I suppose I can see the logic in that. Well I work at home so anytime is fine."  
  
She seemed to sigh in relief and took out a piece of paper from her pocket.  
  
"Alright then, I'll stop by this Friday at 4:30pm if that is convenient for you." It wasn't really convenient for me, I didn't like people 'stopping by' but it didn't seem that I had a choice.  
  
"That's fine. I'll see you then and Goten will see you tomorrow." Turning away from the woman I walked around the corner of the building and headed down the street listening to Goten chatter about his day. I would wait till we got out of town before I flew home.  
  
TBC *A brief note about home visits, when my brother was in kindergarten I remember some teacher coming to visit our house. Also when I watched Great Teacher Onizuka, the students complain about home visits, they take up several episodes actually, so I'm assuming this is something that happens in Japan. Plus I just liked the idea of seeing Gohan and Goten from a strangers perspective, that's why I switched back and forth. Hope it wasn't too confusing.* 


	3. Chapter 3

"For the Love of a Child"  
  
Disclaimer: Man, these get really old. I never have, nor will I ever own DragonBall Z.  
  
*Chapter 3*  
  
Susan sat in her car and stared at the directions in her hand. Goten had not been exaggerating when he said he lived in a big house by the ocean. It had taken her two hours to drive here and now she found herself staring at a huge house that sat on a cliff over looking the sea. It was a large rambling house, with trees and flowers all around the outside. It was obvious Gohan Son liked his privacy because this house was as secluded as you could get.  
  
"They must fly to school" she mused out loud, not realizing how accurate her statement was. "I never would have guessed Goten came from a rich family, he seems so down to earth..." with these thoughts in mind she got out of her car and headed over toward what she assumed was the front door. She had reached some large steps when she heard running feet and saw Goten come dashing around the side of the house covered in mud from head to foot, chasing what appeared to be a frog. He skidded to a halt when he saw her and waved his hand.  
  
"Hi Mrs. Thomas! Are you here to see Daddy?" Seeing her nod he continued skipping in circles and waving his hands. "You can just knock on the door, I'm looking for worms!" Not waiting for the woman to follow his advice he ran up the steps and rang the doorbell. After a moment the door was opened by Gohan who stared down at the little boy, amusement flashing across his face, surprising Susan.  
  
"Worm hunting?" He asked. Goten nodded and pulled out a large fat worm from the front pocket of his overalls, which also seemed to be filled with dirt.  
  
"See this one Dad? Think it's a Night Crawler?" Gohan seemed to study the object closely and then nodded quite seriously.  
  
"Yep, I'd say that's right."  
  
The little boy nodded equally seriously and then stuffed the worm back in his pocket. "Ok Dad, oh here's Mrs. Thomas." Running off, Susan watched him disappear through some trees and then turned back toward the man standing in the doorway.  
  
"Active little boy isn't he?" She asked.  
  
Gohan nodded and held the door wider so she could step inside. "Would you like something to drink? There's lemonade I believe."  
  
Feeling uncomfortable, Susan nodded and followed him through the house and into a large bright kitchen. She watched him while he fetched glasses and poured the lemonade from the fridge. Her first assessment of his age couldn't be that far off. He looked even younger standing there barefoot in some faded blue jeans, a white long sleeve button up shirt untucked with the collar undone and the sleeves rolled up. It was obvious he was related to Goten, they had the same features and the same black messy hair.  
  
"Um Mr. Son, if you don't mind..." She started but was interrupted when he handed her a glass.  
  
"It's Gohan." Susan was startled by the sudden statement.  
  
"Pardon?"  
  
"It's Gohan." he repeated. "My name, Mr. Son sounds ridiculous, I don't even remember anyone calling my father that." His eyes seem to become even harder and Susan found herself shuddering nervously under their intensity. This young man may appear young but he certainly didn't act like any of the high school or college students she knew.  
  
"I see." she swallowed and then continued, "Gohan, if you don't mind me asking, you seem awfully young to...."at this point she lost her nerve and trailed off. Gohan turned and picked his own glass up, beckoning her to follow him out into a garden. A hammock swung gently in the corner while he led her to a table with some chairs, the view was breath taking and she lost her train of thought for a moment as she stared out at the sea that stretched before her.  
  
"I'm nineteen."  
  
Susan swung her gaze back at the man, no boy in front of her shocked.  
  
"You're nineteen? That means when Goten...you were..."  
  
"Twelve. I've raised Goten since the day he was born."  
  
Susan wasn't sure what to say, but decided she wanted to get some questions answered.  
"I see, so do you live here with your parents then?" She fished, hoping he'd say yes they were just out shopping or something.  
  
Gohan shook his head. "No, they died six years ago."  
  
Susan sucked in her breath at the baldness of his statement and asked cautiously, "and Goten's mother?"  
  
"She died in childbirth."  
  
Susan was shocked. "Gohan, do you mean to tell me that you've been raising Goten by yourself since you were twelve years old? Since you were a child yourself?"  
  
Gohan's face darkened and he glanced out at the ocean before turning back to the stunned teacher and saying sharply.  
  
"There is one thing you can be sure of Mrs. Thomas, I may have been many things but a child is not one of them."  
  
Susan wasn't sure what to make of that statement and decided to retreat for the moment.  
  
"Well you've done a remarkable job with him in that case. He's a wonderful little boy, with an amazing imagination. He tells us wonderful stories about people who fly and riding on clouds and dragons..." she trailed off when she saw to her disbelief that Gohan seemed to be laughing.  
  
"Did something I say amuse you?" she asked feeling slightly insulted.  
  
"No." He didn't offer any other response. Susan was about to ask him what he did for a living when he stood up abruptly.  
  
"I think Goten's ready to come in, excuse me for a moment." And strode off back into the house. Surprised Susan hesitated for a moment and then decided to follow. Gohan walked outside through a door in the kitchen while Susan watched through a window. Goten came running over, covered with even more mud if that was possible. Several of the windows were open and she could hear the conversation between the two.  
  
"All done worm hunting Goten?" Gohan walked over and grabbed what appeared to be a garden hose hanging coiled on the side of the house.  
  
"Yep. Is Mrs. Thomas still here Dad?" As he talked Goten was stripping out of his clothes until he stood in just his white underwear. Gohan chuckled.  
  
"Yes, she has a lot of questions. She likes your stories that you tell at school." For some reason Goten seemed to find this as funny as his father had and giggled as Gohan turned on the hose.  
  
"Ready?"  
  
Goten nodded and held his arms out beside him.  
  
"Ready!"  
  
Susan watched in surprise as Gohan hosed Goten down with the water until he appeared to be rid of the majority of the mud.  
  
"Ok, kiddo you can come in now. I'll go run you a bath and then come in to wash your hair. Don't forget to dump your clothes in the laundry room."  
  
"I know, I know!" Goten scooped up his clothes and was dashing over toward the kitchen door while Susan hurried back to the patio where Gohan had left her.  
  
She'd finished her lemonade and was watching the waves when Gohan came back fifteen minutes later.  
  
"Sorry to leave you for so long. You probably wanted to talk to Goten as well, he'll be down in a few minutes, just needed to put some clean clothes on."  
  
She smiled, "you must have made fast work of cleaning all that mud up then, he was hardly recognizable when I arrived."  
  
Gohan didn't smile in return just gathered up the empty lemonade glasses.  
  
"Well I've had lots of practice, and a little mud never hurt anyone." He sounded slightly bitter for some reason and without another word he walked back inside with the glasses. Susan had a feeling this interview was over. She stood up and followed him, stopping in the doorway when she heard a door slam and Gohan look up swearing softly.  
  
Suddenly a woman who was probably in her thirties with blue hair came barging into the kitchen, stopping at the sight of Gohan. Susan thought she looked familiar but couldn't quite place where she'd seen her before. A muscular man with a scowl on his face and black hair similar to Gohan and Goten's stood behind her. Susan watched as Gohan's face seemed to become even harder, his eyes more cold as he nodded at the woman staring at him.  
  
"Bulma." He looked over at the man and folded his arms in front of him leaning against the counter. "Vegeta. Nice of you to stop by." Susan was shocked when the woman suddenly stalked over and slapped Gohan in the face.  
  
"Gohan Son! How dare you just leave like that without telling anyone. I promised Chi Chi I would look after you and Goten and then you just disappeared...we've all been worried sick!" Glaring up at the teenager in front of her she suddenly burst into tears and threw her arms around Gohan who looked down at her in amusement. Suddenly it clicked in Susan's mind where she'd seen this woman before.  
  
Bulma? Bulma Brief, as in the head of Capsule Corporation and one of the most brilliant scientist minds of this day? Susan stared as the woman stepped back toward the man who seemed to be scowling even harder than previously, and studied Gohan still standing in front of her.  
  
"My God Gohan, you're all grown up now. Look at you, you're so tall, Goku would be so proud of you."  
  
The man behind her spoke finally. "Get a hold of yourself woman." Turning around to face the man, the woman glared and then looked back at Gohan smiling.  
  
"Just ignore, Vegeta, he hasn't changed a bit."  
  
Gohan shrugged obviously not caring and pointed at an empty glass on the counter.  
"Well since you're here, do want anything to drink?"  
  
The woman Bulma nodded and looked around the kitchen while Gohan poured her a glass of lemonade. Susan ducked around the door not wanting to interrupt, poking her head around again when she thought it was safe. Bulma seemed to be trying to convince Gohan to come home with her and the man Vegeta, while Gohan just stood there not saying anything.  
  
"Gohan, please come for at least a visit, nobody has seen you in almost six years!" She seemed to become very angry again. "How could you just take off like that? I would have liked to see you grow up. And Goten, he has to be what five or six now? Nobody has even seen him! Don't you think you've moped long enough? Hiding yourself away isn't going to bring back Goku or Chi Chi. Gohan, it wasn't your fault!"  
  
Gohan stiffened but before he could say anything in response, Goten came running into the room stopping at the doorway into the kitchen.  
  
"Dad, why's that lady yelling at you?"  
  
Bulma turned and saw the little boy standing by the door, she froze and dropped the glass she was holding, it shattered on the floor sounding like an explosion in the silence.  
  
"Oh my God!" She covered her mouth with her hand and stared. "Goku?"  
  
Suddenly the man was next to her, holding her arm as she seemed about to collapse on the ground herself.  
  
Gohan walked over quickly and picked up Goten.  
  
"Bulma, Vegeta...this is Goten." Bulma just stared in obvious shock while the man, Vegeta snorted. "Goten, this is Bulma and Vegeta, you remember I've told you about them right?"  
  
Goten nodded his eyes wide and Gohan set him back down on the ground. Cautiously Goten walked over towards the two adults standing in the kitchen. Going up to Vegeta he tugged on his pants leg, forcing the man to crouch down to his level. Goten stared into his eyes and then up at his hair.  
  
"You've got hair like me and Daddy. 'Cause we're Saiyans he said and special. And he told me you're a prince." He studied Vegeta critically for a moment. "How come you're not a king yet? In all the stories if you're a prince you become a king when you're grown up."  
  
Vegeta seemed unsure of what to say about that. Instead he asked gruffly, "How old are you?"  
  
Goten straightened proudly and flashed five fingers. "I'm five years old but I'm going to be six next month! Right Dad?" He turned back towards Gohan who nodded. Goten then turned towards Bulma who had also dropped down to his level.  
  
"Do you still make things like the Dragon Radar?" Wordlessly she nodded and reached out as if she wanted to touch him. Inching closer, Goten put his hand on her cheek.  
  
"You're pretty." He whispered.  
  
With a cry Bulma scooped him up in her arms, tears running down her face. Susan had no idea what was going on and was about to step into the room and demand an explanation when Bulma turned back to Gohan still clutching the small boy in her arms.  
  
"Please Gohan" she begged. "Please come visit, even if it's for only a few days. We've lost so much time, we all just want to see you."  
  
Gohan's hard expression didn't change but he sighed and nodded, obviously not pleased. Setting Goten down gently on the floor Bulma wiped her face and smiled.  
  
"Goten, I have a son your age, Trunks, and I'm sure you boys will have lots of fun playing together." Going over to Gohan once again she hugged him. "Thank you Gohan. We'll see you this weekend then. We still live in the same place...chattering away she walked towards the front door with Gohan. For a moment the gruff voiced man, Vegeta stood alone in the room with Goten."  
  
"Kakkarot's brat huh?" Shaking his head he walked out of the kitchen turning back once to look at Goten again. "See you later kid." With that he stalked out of the door.  
  
Susan whipped into the room and practically ran over Goten who was still standing in the middle of the kitchen. Grabbing the child by his shoulders she crouched down and looked into his face.  
  
"Goten tell me, who were those people?" He looked at her in surprise and was about to answer when a rough hard voice cut him off.  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
Susan spun around and stared at Gohan who was glaring at her from the doorway.  
  
"I want to know what is going on! Why was Bulma Briefs here and how do you know her? Are you hiding from someone? What did she mean about you running away with Goten?" She was working herself up into quite a fury when Gohan cut her off.  
  
"It really isn't any of your business. Bulma is a very old family friend. She knew my parents. I left after they died but I haven't stayed in contact. That's all. I think you should leave now."  
  
She stared at him speechlessly while he moved to walk her to the door. Goten waved at her from the kitchen.  
  
As she started down the steps toward her car Gohan called out to her. "Oh, Goten will be gone from school for a few days, it shouldn't be more than a week." She started to protest but he nodded goodbye to her and shut the door.  
  
In shock she walked to her car and got in. Shaking her head she stared at the large house up on the cliff one last time before pulling out of the driveway. Silently Susan Thomas promised herself she would have someone look further into the Son family situation.  
  
TBC  
  
*So we're off to Capsule Corp. I don't know if I want to introduce Videl into this story, I've never really liked her. Don't know why...let me know what you all think! And thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed, you totally make my day when I check my email and see your comments. I tried to fix the text problem, making it less 'dense' so to speak...hopefully this helps, if not let me know and I'll try something else. Oh and don't worry, I purposely made Gohan old enough so Social services can't take Goten away from him. *chuckle* Thanks again for all of your wonderful reviews, I hope you like this chapter!* 


	4. Chapter 4

"For the Love of a Child"  
  
Disclaimer: Blah blah blah. DBZ doesn't belong to me, the copyrights are owned by TOEI animation or something like that...  
  
*Chapter 4*  
  
I had known that eventually Bulma would track me down, she is not only very smart but very tenacious about getting something she wants. She got Vegeta didn't she? I'm just surprised it has taken her this long to find us. We've been here at Capsule Corp for three days now and I already long for the peace and quiet of home. Bulma seems sad and slightly frightened of me, which I can only imagine is because I'm not the little boy she remembers. Vegeta is much the same, he insisted we fight so he could test my skill and when I refused he accused me of slacking off and betraying my warrior roots. Book worm, I believe is what he called me.  
  
I could care less what Vegeta thinks about me, I have very little use for his arrogant posturing. If it weren't for Goten I would have left two days ago, but I'm still here, walking the streets of Satan City of all places while he gets to know his 'cousin' Trunks. For some reason he's completely taken to Vegeta. For his part, 'Uncle Vegeta' doesn't seem to know exactly what to do about Goten and puts up with him far more tolerably than I ever would have given him credit for. In fact they're all off somewhere together right now. Vegeta mumbled something about zoos before they left after lunch but they were talking about Lions, spears, and warrior tattoos while eating so I have a feeling they went a bit farther than the local zoo. I just hope Goten doesn't come back with some tribal tattoo all over his face, I'd have a hard time explaining that one to his teacher.  
  
I was doing some work on my laptop earlier but Bulma's mother kicked me out of the house. So now I'm banished to the streets of this city named after a man I can't stand. Hercule Satan, what an ass. He can keep the glory for all I care, I just feel sorry for the pathetic people that have no other option but to look to him as their hero. Weaklings all of them.  
  
Listen to me, I'm beginning to sound like Vegeta, now there's a scary thought.  
  
Chuckling maliciously at this, I pause at the window of a bookstore. I'm always fascinated by what other people choose to purchase as their reading material and study the display of the most popular books of the time. I'm slightly amused to see some of my own fiction on display. I had researched carefully before I started writing and discovered that the general public enjoyed reading books about 'the young hero' most of all. So that's what I write about. Pretty ironic since I was basically a 'young hero' almost all of my life.  
  
I was starting to move on down the street when I heard shouts coming from a building across the street. It was a jewelry store and from what I could tell, it was in the process of being robbed. I crossed the street to get a better look, curious as to how normal humans deal with this sort of thing. Apparently nothing actually. The lady behind the counter was crying while another man cowered before a gun that was being held up to his face. There were only two robbers from what I could tell, the one shouting and waving the gun around and the other who was busy shoving jewelry into a sack. Firing some shots into the wall above the crying and shaking couple, the two ran out of the shop laughing. There were other people watching from the street and some in their doorways but like me, nobody did anything. I was about to turn away in disgust when a girl suddenly came around the corner, saw the two men and took after them. I watched, curious again, she looked to be about the same age as me and either she was incredibly stupid or incredibly brave. Considering that she was just a human teenage girl, I'd say incredibly stupid. She did manage to kick the guys' gun away and then knock them out, though, so she was at least stronger than most. The police had arrived by this time and thanked her before hauling away the two wannabe thieves. Bored with it all, I turned and was walking away when the girl marched over to me.  
  
"Hey you! What are you doing? You have to stay so the police can take your statement."  
  
I turned to stare at her. "My statement? There weren't enough people here already? I've got better things to do with my time." I started to walk away again when I was grabbed roughly by the arm. This time it seemed to belong to a large man who had been standing further up the street.  
  
"I don't know where you're from young man, but this here is Miss Videl Satan and she's the local hero. If it weren't for her, you could be dead by now. I suggest you drop the attitude and show her a little respect, do what the lady says."  
  
I shrugged the man's grip off my arm stared at him coldly. "I wouldn't touch me again." Transferring my gaze to the girl I stared at her for a moment.  
  
"Would that be any relation to Hercule Satan?"  
  
She shrugged and nodded. "My father." I could tell she was expecting me to gush or something but I just nodded.  
  
"You have my sympathies."  
  
The bystanders jaw dropped and the girl, Videl was obviously furious.  
  
"Who the hell do you think you are?" She practically spat in my face. I just sneered at her and didn't respond. Her watch beeped suddenly and she looked at it in obvious frustration.  
  
"Damn, I'm late for class again." Suddenly she looked at me with eyes narrowed. "What are you doing out here anyway? You should be in school right now. There are laws against truancy you know."  
  
I didn't bother answering such a stupid question, as if it were any of her business either way. Turning around I walked off back towards Bulma's house. I'd probably been gone long enough to satisfy her mother's idea of 'getting some fresh air'. I could hear that girl Videl yelling at my back as I walked off but I just ignored her and turned the corner, leaving her behind. -------  
Videl was so angry she practically saw red. The nerve and arrogance of that guy! Acting like he could do whatever he wanted. He was obviously skipping school, wandering around as if he owned the place. She had never seem him before, so he didn't go to her school and she briefly allowed to herself that he had been very cute. He had looked about her age, no uniform, but dressed casually in loose jeans and a black tee-shirt. His black hair had been short and messy, she'd seen guys in her class try to style it like that and she wondered how much time he spent in front of the mirror getting it to spike up. Shaking her head she ran off toward school, tucking away the mysterious guy to the back of her head to think about later. -------  
I got back to Capsule Corp and amused myself by tinkering with some things in Bulma's workshop. She had asked me to take a look at the specs for some modifications to Vegeta's gravity training room after I had told her about building my own. I had spent some time in Vegeta's, though not working out with him. Trying to fall asleep was even worse here at Bulma's and so I continued to push myself until I passed out every night.  
  
Vegeta didn't know I was using his room, I'm careful to erase the record of my session every night, but I think Bulma suspects something because she keeps giving me these worried looks. Overall Bulma's modifications were good, I made a few suggestions of my own before Goten came racing in looking for me. I studied him closely looking for strange tattoos or markings but didn't see any. He was extremely excited, I'd been correct in my assumption about not visiting a zoo. Apparently Vegeta had taken them to Kenya so they could experience the real thing.  
  
"And Dad, they use the coolest spears to go hunt with and Zambo had lots of warrior marks on his face, dots and swirls and stuff. And a necklace made out of lions teeth! I wanted to get some warrior marks too, right here" he pointed to several spots on his forehead and cheeks, "but Uncle Vegeta said I was a Saiyan and a true warrior. He said Saiyans didn't need special marks to prove their strength and ability. Trunks and me were still kind of disappointed, those marks are really cool Dad! Uncle Vegeta says we already have our own special Saiyan marks. He says they are so special you have to be really really strong to get them. And he showed us too. He powered up like you do sometimes and made his hair turn gold. Trunks and I did it too and he seemed mad at first but then he was really pleased. So I get to have warrior marks after all!" He ended this all in a rush and I promised myself to go thank Vegeta for not letting my son have tattoos put all over his face.  
  
"It sounds like you had a really fun time Goten! Did you seen any other animals?"  
  
The sunlight faded from the room as I held Goten in my lap while he rattled on about the African savannah. This is what is important to me. This bundle of energy and joy sitting here in my lap. What little I have left to offer of myself to this world, I offer to him willingly. I don't like it here, I'm uncomfortable staying here with Bulma, and I find the daily life of the people living in Satan City to be tedious and dull. But I'll stay the week because it means so much to Goten. It's going to be a long week though.  
  
TBC *I know, this is my shortest chapter so far, but more is coming. I promise. So I brought Videl in. Can you tell I'm not a huge fan? Well I won't go and do a total bashing of her, and I'll admit I did make Gohan rather...rude?* 


	5. Chapter 5

"For the Love of a Child"  
  
Disclaimer: Ok these are dull, go to the first page if you really have an urge to read these stupid things.  
  
*Chapter 5*  
  
A couple days after Goten's trip to Kenya, Bulma announced that a school group was going to be visiting Capsule Corp for a field trip. Trunks asked if Goten could come spend the day at school with him and I'd agreed. The modifications on Vegeta's gravity room had been finished last night and he declared he was going to go spend the day training. Having spent the night working off my own demons I felt no need to join him. Goten's little African adventure had given me an idea though and so I spent the day in front of my computer working on another novel for my publisher.  
  
It was a little after 2pm when yawning, I pushed away from the table where I'd been typing and looked out the window. It was a nice day out so I walked outside to get some fresh air and give myself a break. Bulma's mother, while a complete ditz, definitely has a green thumb and the gardens around the house were beautiful. A hammock was hung in the shade of a giant maple tree and I flung myself into it and stared at the clouds rolling by. Watching the clouds was one of the few activities I'd participated in with my father that I'd passed on to Goten. I didn't bother trying to find shapes in the clouds this time though. I just lay there quietly watching them float and shift slowly until I felt my eyes grow heavy and allowed myself to drift into sleep.  
  
-------  
  
Bulma glanced at her watch when she heard a door slam somewhere and laughter coming down the hall. The school group had arrived later than expected and Bulma was still in the middle of her tour and explanation when Trunks and Goten raced in, laughter trailing behind them as Trunks ran to his mom and grabbed her leg.  
  
"Nah Nah, I've touched base Goten, you can't get me now!" Goten stopped suddenly, his arms waving as he paused in mid chase.  
  
"Hey Trunks, that's not fair, you didn't say your mom was base!" In response Trunks just laughed and stuck out his tongue. The students and teacher grouped around the model capsule Bulma had been explaining, all laughed causing the two boys to look up in surprise.  
  
Bulma gently rapped Trunks on the head. "Trunks be nice. Hello Goten, did you have a fun time at Trunks' school?" Goten nodded his head enthusiastically and then grinned at Trunks while he skipped in place.  
  
"Yep it was great. But Trunks got homework to do and I don't because I'm the guest." Sticking out his own tongue at the purple haired boy, he backed away laughing when Trunks went after him growling. Bulma caught him neatly by the shirt though and hauled him back.  
"Homework?" She inquired, while more chuckles from the school group followed Trunks' groan.  
  
"Ah mooommm!" Bulma just shook her head.  
  
"Scoot. You can play some more after you finish it." Swatting him on the butt she pushed him out of the room and pointed toward the stairs heading up to his room. His muttered complaints were heard as he marched up the stairs.  
  
Turning back toward the tour group, Bulma shrugged her shoulders apologetically before turning to Goten who had sat down in the corner of the room and looked to be trying hard not to yawn.  
  
"Goten, do you want to stay here and help me?" Bulma asked the little boy. He studied her sleepily but then shook his head. Standing up and rubbing his eyes he asked, "Do you know where my Dad is?"  
  
Bulma smiled and pulled him into a quick hug before pushing him towards the door. "The last I knew, he had gone outside to the gardens, you might try there."  
  
Nodding his head he wandered out of the lab and headed outside.  
  
Chuckling, she turned back to the group and was about to resume her tour when a blonde girl raised her hand, practically jumping up and down.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I was wondering if you had a restroom I could use?" A couple people in the class groaned but Bulma just smiled and pointed back out down the hall.  
  
"There's one through that door, down the hall, make a left, walk past the stairs, turn right and it's at the end."  
  
The girls eyes got wide and she seemed confused but was suddenly dragged away by another girl with black hair pulled into two pig tails.  
  
"Don't worry, Erasa, I'll help you find it."  
  
The girl giggled in relief and followed out the door.  
  
"Gee, thanks Videl, that sounded really complicated."  
  
Shaking her head, Bulma turned back to the group and directed their attention to the model that was sitting in front of them.  
  
-------  
"Geez, Erasa couldn't you have held it or something?" Videl was dragging her friend down the hall in search of the bathroom, while Erasa giggled behind her. Videl had to wonder sometimes how she had managed to wind up with such a ditzy friend. Loyal, but not too bright. They rounded the second corner when Videl saw the little boy Goten, sitting on the floor in the middle of the hallway. Curious she walked over and crouched next to him.  
  
He had his tongue pressed out between his teeth and appeared to concentrating very hard on retying the laces of his sneaker.  
  
"Do you want any help?" She asked, it was obvious he was struggling. He looked at her but then shook his head before bending back down, determination written all over his face and shoulders.  
  
"No thank you. Daddy says I have to practice and practice and then it will get easy." Looking up in triumph he grinned at the teenage girl beside him.  
  
"See! I did it!" Videl smiled and helped him stand up.  
  
"It sounds like your dad is pretty smart. Did you find him?"  
  
The little boy, Goten shook his head and started walking down the hall. "No not yet, he's outside there." Pointing at a wall in front of them he looked at Videl and frowned.  
  
"I just gotta find a door."  
  
Videl burst out laughing. The kid sure was cute how he phrased things, great sense of direction too, if he knew the gardens were on the other side of that blank wall.  
  
"I'll help you, how about that? We'll find your dad together."  
  
-------  
  
Goten wasn't sure why the lady was laughing at him. He knew his dad was right there, he could sense his energy, small because he wasn't training but definitely there. He didn't think Bulma wanted him to knock a hole in her wall though, and he was pretty sure his dad would get kind of mad too so he'd been stuck as to how to get on the other side of the wall. But if this lady wanted to help that was ok.  
  
-------  
  
Videl grabbed the little boys hand, and after dropping Erasa off at the bathroom they headed down another hall until they found a door leading outside. Walking around the building, Videl couldn't help but slow down and enjoy the sunshine and smell of flowers. The little boy beside her suddenly stopped though, bringing her back to the present. Looking down in surprise, the boy let go of her hand and put his finger up to his lips.  
  
"Shhh, I think he's sleeping."  
  
Videl looked up and then she saw across the garden, a hammock was swung between two trees. She could make out the figure of a man with dark hair lying inside it. Nodding down at the little boy, she watched as he tiptoed closer. He seemed to study the man briefly before reaching up on tiptoes and stroking the man's face. The figure in the hammock moved and then arms reached down and lifted the little boy up and pulled him into the hammock.  
  
Videl watched for a few minutes more, but it looked like they weren't going to move, so she turned and headed back towards the building. She was almost back to the bathroom when she realized she has lost her communicator watch.  
  
"Damn, the strap must have broken. I know I had it during the tour because I remember checking the time, I must have lost it outside somewhere." Turning back the way she had come she headed back outside.  
  
-------  
  
Vegeta took a break from his training to wipe the sweat dripping off his face and studied the readouts on the wall. He didn't make a habit of checking the statistics on his training, but he was curious due to the recent modifications. Studying the information before him he stopped at a time entry and swore softly. Somebody had come in last night and used the room, but that couldn't be possible because the gravity level was registered as rising to 375, which was higher than even Vegeta had managed at this point. He was currently working around 250 and he could only manage that while in the form of the ascended Saiyan. The damn thing must be malfunctioning, but the levels could only be set from inside the room once the doors had been locked. Could it be possible that Kakkarot's brat had used the room? Vegeta shook his head and quickly tapped out of the program and shut down the gravity. It would be absolutely humiliating if that brat was able to train under 375 times the normal gravity. The only option was to wait and see. He'd keep an eye on the room tonight and see if anyone came to use it after the others had gone to bed. Satisfied with this solution, Vegeta toweled off and left to go find Bulma about dinner.  
  
---------  
  
Bulma had finished checking on Trunks when she bumped into Vegeta in the hallway. After reassuring him that dinner would be served at the same time it always was, in a half an hour, she headed outside to see if Goten had managed to find Gohan.  
  
She had been angry at first, when she first saw Gohan standing there in that kitchen. Now she was just sad. He was so different from the bright child he use to be. She remembered him sitting up on his father's shoulders laughing at the world. Nothing seemed to be able to dampen his spirit back then. Now he was so hard and cold. She had only seen him smile once and that was a moment she knew she wasn't suppose to have seen.  
  
She had gone to make sure Goten was settling into Trunks' room alright. She had stopped at the slightly open doorway when she heard soft voices inside. Through the door she could see Gohan cradling Goten in his lap, slowly rocking him back and forth. For that brief moment his eyes looked tender again and a smile played across his face as he looked down at the little boy in his arms.  
  
She had left and pretended to come back down the hall later when she heard Gohan starting to leave the room. As he came out of the door she saw his face was closed and cold again. All trace of compassion and love erased. After checking on the boys she had gone up to her own room and cried.  
Vegeta hadn't understood and she didn't know how to explain to him that she wept for the young man Gohan had become. She wept for the little boy he use to be. And she wept because somewhere deep inside him, he at least had enough warmth for Goten and she feared that was all that kept Gohan together.  
  
She knew about his nights in the gravity room. She had been up late one night working on a project she wanted to finish and heard him going in and hours later, she saw him come stumbling out. She had waited another night and witnessed the same process over again. She didn't know why he was doing this to himself but it was pretty obvious it wasn't a new routine. She hadn't told Vegeta because she knew he would want to confront and fight Gohan. She also knew he couldn't win. In some ways, Gohan truly frightened Bulma, but in other ways she couldn't help but think that deep inside he was just a little frightened child who was hurting very badly. She wanted to help him but he had shut himself away from the rest of the world and wouldn't let anyone in.  
  
Bulma found Gohan in the garden lying in the hammock with Goten sprawled out on top of him. Gohan's arms were wrapped around Goten, cradling him close. Bulma knew Gohan loved Goten very much. She knew he had taken excellent care of him despite all odds. He had always been very mature for his age and even at twelve he had seemed so much older.  
  
The first time Bulma heard Goten call Gohan 'daddy' she hadn't really been paying attention. The second time however, she had felt a strange twisting sensation inside her. Watching them together though, she realized that Goten was right. Gohan was his dad, in spirit, if not by genetics. While Bulma would always love Goku and cherish her memories of him, she had to admit to herself that he wasn't the most reliable parent. He had been the best father a boy could ask for, when he was around. And frankly, he wasn't around much. His final decision to not be brought back after the Cell game must have been horribly crushing to Gohan, who already felt responsible for his father's death. Chi Chi's own death soon after must have felt like nothing short of betrayal. Bulma wouldn't have been surprised if Gohan had wanted nothing to do with the newborn baby he was faced with. But he had taken him and raised him, and obviously loved him very deeply.  
  
-------  
  
Videl was searching the ground around some bushes when she saw Bulma Briefs come out to the garden and walk over to the hammock. Not wanting to be seen crawling on her hands and knees in the dirt, Videl tucked herself behind the bush to wait for the woman to go back inside.  
  
-------  
  
I know Bulma is standing there watching me. I can also tell she's worried about something. Probably me, which I don't want to deal with. I doubt I can just tell her to go away and stop fussing though. Maybe if she gets whatever it is that is bothering her, out of her system she'll go get a new hobby. Like flower arranging or something. I do not enjoy being considered somebody's 'pet project' whether she realizes that's what she's doing or not. Sighing I opened my eyes and stared up at her.  
"You might as well get it out Bulma. What is it?"  
  
"You make a great dad Gohan." Now that wasn't what I expected her to say and I shifted in the hammock to get a better look at her.  
"Thanks."  
  
She studied me for a moment and then reached out and touched my cheek. Smiling sadly she stroked it for a second and then dropped her hand.  
  
"I know you're using the gravity room at nights. I've seen you come out, looking half dead. Why are you doing that to yourself?"  
  
I don't want to answer her question. I don't want her to know about the demons in my head that mock me constantly. I know she just wants to help but I just want her to leave me alone.  
  
"Don't fuss Bulma."  
  
"Gohan, I just want you to be happy again. I want to see you smile and laugh. I want to try and help you..."  
  
"I'm not one of your damn machines that you can just fix Bulma. There is nothing wrong with me." I could feel myself tensing up in anger but didn't want wake up Goten by yelling. Bulma, upset as well, stomped her foot in frustration.  
  
"I don't want to fix you Gohan, it's just I remember how..."  
  
"How I use to be? Happy little Gohan? Give it a rest Bulma, we all have to grow up sometime, I'm not a little kid anymore. Stop worrying, I just grew up, that's all."  
  
Suddenly her anger seemed to drain out and she stood there looking sad again. I can feel Goten shifting in my arms and he slowly opened his eyes to stare into mine for a moment before smiling. Bulma watched for a moment longer and then touched my shoulder.  
  
"Dinner will be ready soon guys. You should come in and wash up." Giving me one last sad look she turned and walked back into the house.  
I know I've hurt her somehow, something more than just my harsh words. Maybe she really thought she could save me. Goten was squirming and I tossed him out of the hammock before climbing out myself. Watching him laugh and roll around on the grass I reminded myself that it didn't matter what anyone thought or felt except Goten.  
  
"Hey kiddo, ready for dinner?"  
  
He grinned and ran over, grabbing my hands and placing his feet on top of mine.  
  
"Yeah! Hey dad, walk me inside!"  
  
I chuckled and shifted him a bit so he had a firmer position before taking a large step toward the house. He giggled and in this fashion I marched us inside, making my strides as large and exaggerated as possible while he shrieked with laughter.  
  
As I watch him I feel my anger melt away. For the moment my world is perfect. The demons are silent and I feel warm inside.  
  
-------  
  
Videl couldn't move from her spot, crouched down in the bushes even after everyone had left the garden. That guy, that jerk from the other day had been the man in the hammock. That man that Goten had said was his dad. Bulma Briefs had called him Gohan. She'd even said he was Goten's dad. Videl shook her head and stood up, her wrist watch completely forgotten. That was just impossible! That guy, Gohan, had to be her age, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen at the most. He couldn't possibly be Goten's dad, that was just...  
  
"Sick. Sick Videl." Muttering to herself she walked out of the garden and left the Briefs' property. Maybe she had misunderstood what Bulma had said. Maybe she had actually said, 'you'd make a great dad.'  
  
"But Goten said that was his dad!" Still arguing with herself Videl marched down the street, oblivious to the strange looks she received from other people.  
  
TBC  
  
*Ok everyone, that's it for this chapter. I probably broke every single rule of writing in creating this, I did weird things with the tenses at times, but oh well. I know the last chapter wasn't one of my best, hopefully this one's a bit better. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, don't forget to review!* 


	6. Chapter 6

"For the Love of a Child"  
  
Disclaimer: See the first two chapters.  
  
*Chapter 6*  
  
I stared at the ceiling in Bulma's guest bedroom and thought about getting up and going to the gravity room. I hesitated to do so for a couple of reasons. The first being that Bulma had made it clear that she knew I was using the room and didn't really approve, and the second being if I kept getting up I would never break this habit of not being able to sleep.  
  
They tell insomniacs that when they can't sleep at night they shouldn't try to force themselves to sleep but get out of bed and go do something quiet in a different location, then try to go back to their bed. This way the bed does not become associated with the negative connotations of not sleeping. Given this logic there's probably a lot of insomniacs out there who are forming negative connections to all sorts of weird bits of furniture instead.  
  
However, I remember in a psychology class I had once, that there's this form of learning called operant conditioning. The brain is trained to signal the body to do certain things after receiving certain cues. A dog will sit after hearing a bell for example, the bell becomes a trigger of sorts. These triggers become so deeply imbedded into the brain, it's extremely difficult to overcome them. This is why habits are so incredibly hard to break. I fear, given this theory, that my body has become trained to not fall asleep until I've beaten it to a pulp in the gravity room. If this is the case, I should try to continue to lie in the bed and hopefully after many nights of not sleeping it will just shut down. Of course if the advice for insomniacs is correct, the last thing I should be doing is staying in bed.  
  
I groaned in disgust and finally threw back the covers getting up. I felt like a dog chasing his tail, going round and round. I curled my lips in a half grin for a brief moment. Or a Saiyan chasing his tail. Chuckling quietly to myself at the image of Vegeta running in circles trying to catch his tail, I let myself out of the room and headed down the hall.  
  
As I punched in the commands to start up the gravity I thought briefly about our leaving in two days. Goten was going to be disappointed to leave behind his new playmate. He didn't get to play with kids his age very often. Though he is in school now so he'll be seeing kids his age all day, five days a week. And it's not like Vegeta can't bring Trunks out once in a while. Feeling slightly less guilty I started to warm up. Punching it up to 775 earlier than I usually did, I focused on concentrating only on my strength and speed.  
  
Three and a half hours later I finally shut down the gravity and collapsed to the floor groaning. I'd had to crank it up to 800 before I could finally feel the strain wearing down my body. I don't know what I'm going to do if even this stops working. I wondered idly if it was possible for a body to just become sleep resistant as I slowly dragged myself out of the room. By the time I reached my bedroom on the second floor my arms were shaking so bad I couldn't turn the doorknob. Guess I might have over did it a bit this time. Resting on the floor with my head pressed against the door I finally managed to get it open. Groaning again, I half crawled half dragged my body towards the bed. I'd reached the edge and was pulling myself up when the world started to spin. To my surprise, the floor suddenly dropped out from beneath me and the world went black.  
  
-------  
"God damn it!"  
  
Vegeta hurried over to Gohan where he'd collapsed beside the bed. Vegeta had been watching the kid since he'd seen him enter the gravity room almost four hours ago. He'd been pissed at first, the brat was using the room to train but he couldn't be bothered to even spar with him. After the first fifteen minutes though it was obvious to Vegeta why Gohan had refused. He'd have looked like a joke. Not only was Gohan training at a gravity level Vegeta hadn't come close to reaching yet, he'd ascended to another level of Saiyan as well. That, more than anything, had pissed Vegeta off the most. He was a prince, it was maddening to be beaten by a half-Saiyan upstart and that of a low class Saiyan. After two hours though, Vegeta's anger had turned to concern. There was training and then there was killing yourself. Gohan was killing himself. For some reason he was coming here every night and pushing his body past its' limits. Vegeta had quietly followed Gohan back up to his room and watched him struggle to open the door. Finally the brat had got in his room just to pass out by the bed.  
  
Scooping the kid up in his arms, Vegeta set him down on the bed and covered him with the blanket.  
  
"I think he's been doing this to himself regularly. Look."  
  
Vegeta's head shot up startled. Reflexively he caught something that was flung his way. Piccolo was standing by the window watching Gohan.  
  
"Damn it Piccolo, what are you some kind of vampire? Can't you ever just appear normally?"  
  
Glancing down at the bag in his hands Vegeta sucked in his breath.  
  
Senzu beans. So that was how he was doing this. The kid practically killed himself every night and then brought himself back with the beans. Something was definitely wrong with Gohan. This wasn't normal, nor was it probably very healthy. Swearing softly again, Vegeta gave Gohan one last look before stalking out of the room.  
  
He stopped at the door and turned to look at Piccolo. "Are you going to say anything to him?"  
  
"Hn."  
  
Figuring that was about the best he was going to get, Vegeta turned and left. Entering the bedroom he shared with Bulma, he was surprised to find her standing in the doorway.  
  
"He was doing it again wasn't he? Is he ok?"  
  
Walking past her and climbing into bed Vegeta lay down and stared at the ceiling.  
  
"Physically, probably. Mentally, who knows."  
  
She climbed in beside him and lay a hand on his arm. "Will you talk to him? Please Vegeta?"  
  
He turned to look at her for a moment and then slowly shook his head.  
  
"He won't listen to me. Piccolo was here, I don't think he'll let the kid go without saying something to him."  
  
Her face relaxed a little and he realized how upset she really was. Knowing she needed more reassurance he gently pulled her up next to him and held her . He felt her relax more and gradually her breath evened out into sleep. Sighing quietly to himself he too drifted off.  
  
-------  
I opened my eyes slowly and found myself staring at the ceiling. Again. Lately I seem to spend a lot of time staring at the ceilings above beds. My body felt like it had been run over by a ten ton semi and then eaten as road kill. I was attempting to sit up when I felt something land on my chest. The bag of senzu beans. I looked over in surprise and found Piccolo standing by the window, staring at me in disgust.  
  
"Take one of those and get up. I want to talk to you." Glaring at me he spun around and stalked out of the room.  
  
"Love you to Piccolo." I muttered.  
  
After popping a bean I felt as if I wasn't death's leftovers anymore and went to take a shower. Judging from Piccolo's unusual hostility this was going to be a long talk. I didn't even bother wondering what he'd been doing in my bedroom or why he'd suddenly showed up now after six years of silence.  
  
I found him thirty minutes later sitting in the garden doing his meditation thing. I didn't even get a chance to offer a smart ass greeting when he opened his eyes and laid into me.  
  
"Just what the hell do you think you're doing? Trying to kill yourself?"  
  
I scowled at him and walked over to the hammock, throwing myself in it.  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about." The next thing I knew Piccolo had my shirt in his fist and was shaking me enough to make my teeth rattle.  
  
"I'm talking about you going into the gravity room every night, beating yourself within an inch of your life and then taking senzu beans to make it through the next day!"  
  
So that's what this was about. Freeing myself from his grip, I pushed him away and stared at the leaves of the tree for a moment.  
  
"It's fine Piccolo, so I push myself a little harder than I should. Big deal."  
  
"It's not fine, Gohan." I could practically hear his teeth grinding. "It's no big deal is it? So it's totally fine for you to pass out in the middle of your floor because you can't make it to your bed. Yeah, you're right. What was I thinking?"  
  
Ah. I had briefly wondered this morning how I'd gotten into bed since the last thing I remembered was the room reeling around me. Well damn, this was going to be harder to blow off than I thought.  
  
"Look Piccolo, I don't remember asking for your help. Thanks for the concern but it's none of your business."  
  
I could tell I'd really pissed him off with that last remark.  
  
"None of my business? Well I suppose it isn't any of your concern either then if Goten just happens to walk in one morning and finds you out cold on the floor. That's going to make him feel real secure Gohan."  
  
I felt as if I'd been punched in the gut. That had never occurred to me, that Goten would come across me right after I'd messed myself up in the gravity room. How many times had I seen my own father beat up beyond comprehension? How many times had I watched him die before my eyes? How many times had I watched my father collapse in front of me while I cried with helplessness? I realized I was shaking and it wasn't from Piccolo or cold. I fell out of the hammock and dry heaved next to the tree. Still shaking I stared up at Piccolo and tried to speak.  
  
"No. Never." I managed finally. "I swear...I swear...no."  
  
God no. I would rather give up sleep completely before I allowed Goten to experience the sort of grief I'd gone through as a kid. I pictured him walking in my room one morning to find me sprawled out on the carpet, him crying and scared, unable to wake me.  
  
My stomach twisted and I dry heaved again. When I was done I felt Piccolo's hand on my shoulder and he helped haul me to my feet.  
  
"Geez, kid, what have you been doing to yourself?" He stared at me critically, tipping my head up with his hand to get a better look at my face.  
  
"You look like shit."  
  
I couldn't help but laugh. "Same old Piccolo."  
He smiled, "yeah, same old Piccolo. What about you Gohan?"  
  
I broke away and sank down to the ground, burying my head in my hands.  
  
"I can give you all of the psychological terms for what's going on inside my head Piccolo but it won't make a difference. Basically? Shit happens. This world's done nothing for me and I've got nothing left to give it. But hey, you live, you learn. Obladee oblada, life goes on..."  
  
I couldn't stop the bitterness from creeping into my words.  
  
"But I've got Goten." I looked up at Piccolo and smiled briefly. "He makes life worth living, you know? He makes it worth getting up in the morning."  
  
Piccolo studied me for a moment and then nodded. "Yeah I know. You did the same for me kid."  
  
"And now?"  
  
"Now I find that with each day there are more reasons to get up in the morning."  
  
"That's pretty deep."  
  
"I'm a pretty deep guy." Startled, I looked at Piccolo and then laughed again.  
  
"I don't remember you being so funny when I was a kid."  
  
"Maybe you were just too young." A look of regret flashed over his face. "Too young for a lot of things."  
  
There's the understatement of the century.  
  
I dragged myself to my feet, the worst of the shaking over and headed back toward the house.  
  
"Gohan. Are you going to be ok?"  
  
"I'm going to go find Goten."  
  
"That's not what I asked."  
  
I didn't answer him or turn around but kept walking back to the house. Am I going to be ok? How do I answer that? Am I going to kill myself, no. Am I going to become a normal, well adjusted nineteen year old boy? Probably not, but then who's well adjusted these days anyway. Does anybody even know what that truly is anymore? All I know is I'll continue to care for Goten the best way I can. If that means spending hours of quality time with the ceiling above my bed, then so be it.  
Am I going to be ok? What does it mean to be ok? Goten. As long as I have Goten, I can feel a little warm. Goten makes the act of living ok. As long as I have Goten...  
  
"Yeah." I said softly. "Yeah, I'm going to be ok."  
  
TBC  
  
*Well I must say, I'm rather pleased with this chapter but hey, that's just me. :) I'd originally written the chapter with having Vegeta give Gohan the riot act in the garden but after I'd written it I realized it was exactly the sort of lecture Piccolo would give him. So then I had to go and rework it so I could get that in. I even managed a tender moment between Vegeta and Bulma, ahhhh....Actually I hesitated to write a scene like that in, afraid it would be so OOC that it would just be stupid, since I've tried to keep most of the characters pretty true. But then I realized, hey there's got to be something to that relationship because they did go and have a second kid. So yeah. Please review and let me know what you think how things are going and such...it gives me huge gratification and greatly increases my desire to update. * 


	7. Chapter 7

"For the Love of a Child"  
  
Disclaimer: All on the first two chapters  
  
*Chapter 7*  
  
"Daddy, what's a curmajamuffin?"  
  
Surprised, I looked down at Goten where he was sprawled on the floor coloring.  
  
"A what?"  
  
He put down his crayon and walked over to me, resting his head on my leg where I sat at a desk working on some papers.  
  
"A curmajamuffin. Bulma told her dad you were turning into a curmajamuffin."  
  
I puzzled for a moment and then realized I knew what word he actually meant.  
  
"Does Bulma know you heard her say that?"  
  
He shook his head and pressed himself closer to me. I picked him up and he buried his face in my chest, obviously distressed about something.  
  
"What's wrong Goten?"  
  
Lifting his head up a little he stared at me teary eyed and sniffed. "Trunks said it was something bad. He said it was like a blueberry muffin but really bad and it was probably going to make you sick and then you would die."  
  
Trying hard not to burst out laughing, I pulled Goten closer and gently rubbed his back.  
  
"Hey there, it's ok. I'm not going to die." Allowing a little chuckle to escape my lips I tipped Goten's face up to look at mine.  
  
"The word is actually curmudgeon, and it isn't a food at all."  
  
Goten's face cleared a little and he watched me carefully.  
  
"It's not something bad that's going to make you die?"  
  
I shook my head. "Nope, though the real definition isn't terribly flattering, though probably quite accurate."  
  
"What's it mean then?"  
  
"It usually means an old man who lives by himself and is grumpy and cranky."  
  
Goten thought about this for a moment and then he beamed up at me, the pure joy in his expression taking my breath away.  
  
"I guess Bulma just doesn't know you very well."  
  
Startled I asked, "How so?" I had thought the comment quite accurate to my amusement, aside from the old part.  
  
"Cause you're not cranky or grumpy and you don't live by yourself, you live with me! And you're not as old as Bulma or her dad." He leaned over and whispered in my ear. "Mr. Briefs is really old, he's got hair in his ears!"  
  
This time I let the laughter come, filling the room. Goten snuggled closer to me and laughed himself.  
  
"See, you're not grumpy."  
  
Still chuckling, I ruffled his hair with my hand and turned back to the desk with him still in my lap.  
  
"You know kiddo, you have to go back to school on Monday."  
  
"What's today?"  
  
"Saturday. Speaking of which, where's Trunks?"  
  
"Don't know. I got mad at him for saying you were going to die and left."  
  
"Ah, I see. Well you can stay here and color if you want or we can go find him and let him know that I am alive and kicking and don't plan on pushing up daisies anytime soon."  
  
Goten giggled. "You're so silly dad."  
  
I smiled at him, pleased that he was no longer upset.  
  
"So what's it going to be?"  
  
"Let's go find Trunks."  
  
"Ok." Standing up, I set him on my shoulders and we set off to look for the purple haired boy.  
  
A few minutes later we found him sitting in the living room next to a blonde toddler, looking extremely bored. Standing next to the girl was Bulma and a short man with black hair. When we entered the room, they looked up and the man's mouth dropped open.  
  
"Holy cow, you are here! Wow bro, you're huge! I can't believe how much you've changed!"  
  
"Hello Krillin. Nice hair."  
  
He seemed startled at my tone for a moment and ran a hand through his hair self-consciously.  
  
"Yeah, well you know I only shaved it cause it was better for fighting. Now that I've got a family and all I let it grow out. Hey speaking of which, this is my daughter Marron."  
  
He turned and gestured at the little blonde girl.  
  
"Eighteen?"  
  
He blushed and nodded. "Yeah." Shifting his gaze he noticed Goten still perched up on my shoulders and his eyes widened.  
  
Nodding I lifted Goten off and set him down on the ground in front of me. Krillin seemed rooted to his spot and just stared. Walking forward Goten smiled and waved.  
  
"Hi!"  
  
Seeing that Krillin was apparently incapable of speech I crouched down to Goten's level and pointed toward Trunks.  
  
"Why don't you go play with Trunks and Marron? You can explain to him what curmudgeon really means."  
  
Watching him nod and run off I stood in time to see Bulma blush slightly, I smirked at her and she blushed even more.  
  
"Incredible. He looks just like Goku did at that age, the spitting image." Krillin shook his head as if to clear it and then turned toward me.  
  
"So man, how have you been? Haven't seen or heard from you in years!"  
  
I studied Krillin for a moment waiting to see if I would feel anything inside. Maybe something that resembled some of the warmth I felt around Goten. While Piccolo was probably the closest thing to a real father I ever had, Krillin had been my best friend, practically brother. He had always seemed, like my father, to be eternally young. Good for a joke and a laugh. Now standing in front of him, I felt so old in comparison. I also didn't feel any of the connection I once shared with him. It was gone.  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
Krillin seemed unsure about what to say next, he looked over at Bulma and she just shrugged. Irritated I decided I'd had enough. I had no desire to suddenly redevelop ties I'd dropped all those years ago, despite any attempts Bulma might be planning.  
  
"I have to get back to some work. Bulma, we'll be leaving tomorrow." With a final nod to Krillin I turned and walked out of the room.  
  
-------  
"Brrr. Did the temperature in here just drop by twenty degrees or what? Geez, Bulma you weren't kidding. He's a walking ice cube! I feel sorry for Goten, poor kid."  
  
Krillin shivered and looked up at the blue haired woman standing next to him. It looked like she couldn't decide if she wanted to cry or scream. At Krillin's mention of Goten though, her face softened.  
  
"Actually he's really great with Goten. It's just around anyone else he becomes so..."  
  
"Cold? Frigid? Vegeta-like?" He threw his hands up when she glared at him.  
  
"Sorry, but you got to admit there is a resemblance." He shook his head and stared down at his feet thinking. Who could have thought a person could change so much in six years? You'd think Vegeta was his father, not Goku. He was like a completely different person.  
  
"You should go meet Goten. He's a really sweet kid." Bulma stopped and choked back what sounded suspiciously like a sob. "It's like Gohan put all of his joy and love into Goten and now there isn't any left inside him. I watch him Krillin. He only seems to smile or laugh when he's with Goten, it's like he doesn't care about anything anymore, except that small child."  
  
Krillin nodded seriously. "I guess I'll go introduce myself to the little squirt then. Where do you think they went?"  
  
"Probably the garden."  
  
Giving Bulma one last quick smile, Krillin walked outside. He found the three children standing in a cluster, crowded around something in Goten's hands.  
  
"See, you have to hold it just like this because the wings are very fragile and if you brush it just a little bit it will hurt the wing and then it can't fly."  
  
"It's pretty!" Marron was excited but Krillin was pleased to see she listened to Goten and didn't try to touch the insect.  
  
"It's a Monarch butterfly. They're the only kind of butterflies that fly south in the winter, like birds. It has those bright colors to warn other bigger things that they shouldn't eat it."  
  
"Why not?" Trunks asked. "Everybody's gotta eat something."  
  
"Yeah but this one would taste nasty." The two boys chuckled at this and a moment later Goten held his hands up to let the creature fly away. Marron stood entranced watching it's slow progress through the garden.  
  
"You know a lot about butterflies Goten. Do you know the names of other types as well?" Krillin approached the group and Marron ran over to her dad.  
  
Goten studied the man for a second and then smiled. "Yeah, I know the names for lots of things. Dad gets me books with pictures and then we read all about how animals live. That's how come I know about the Monarch butterflies. They're really neat!"  
  
"Sounds like your dad's pretty nice."  
  
The little boy stared at him in astonishment. "Of course he's nice, he's my dad! He's told me stories about you and how you use to take him fishing and swimming. Wasn't he nice when he was a little boy like me?"  
  
It was Krillin's turn to be astonished. "I hadn't realized he told you about me. Yeah, he was nice, he was a great kid. Smart like you too." Krillin looked up at the sky above his head, feeling sad all of the sudden. "Yeah." He whispered softly, "Yeah he was a great kid."  
  
Later, holding a sleeping Marron in his arms, Krillin said goodbye to Bulma. They were standing in the doorway watching the sun slowly drop over the horizon.  
  
"You were right about Goten, Bulma. You can tell how much love Gohan has put in that little boy. I just which he managed to keep back a little for the rest of the world."  
  
The woman nodded next to him silently.  
  
"He's not going to stay in touch with us, is he?" The black haired man asked.  
  
"No, I doubt it. I think he only stayed this long because of Goten."  
  
"Well at least we got to see him for a little while. Know he's taking care of himself. He'll manage Bulma. And maybe someday when he's ready he'll come back to us."  
  
Bulma gave Krillin a hug and stepped back through the door. "I hope you're right. Thanks for coming over Krillin."  
  
"Hey no problem, anytime. Take care of yourself ok? And don't worry about Gohan. He'll be fine."  
  
I hope so anyway, the man thought to himself as he walked down the sidewalk towards his car. I really hope so.  
  
TBC  
  
*I delayed updating this one because frankly, I think it some of my worst writing. So please bear with me, I'll try to make the next one better. If I manage to find that elusive thing called 'free time'. Midterms sort of jumped up and bit me in the ass so my next two weeks are kind of full of exams and papers. I only managed to submit this chapter because I wrote it a couple of weeks ago, back in the good old days when this thing called 'a personal life' and 'weekends' existed. These are suppose to be the best years of my life man, I'm not suppose to be grinding myself into the ground at the age of twenty-one. Don't you just love college?  
  
Oh and thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed me. Your reviews are the bright spot in a boring life full of term papers. And I need to send out a special thanks to stormsaiyan for calling to attention my mistake about the gravity levels. (I had them set waaayyy to low) I had a chat with my brother, trust a twelve year old to remember some little detail like how high Vegeta managed to achieve in the gravity room but can't be bothered to write a book report for his English class, anyway if you go back and check you'll see I fixed all of the references to gravity levels.* 


	8. Chapter 8

"For the Love of a Child"  
  
Disclaimers: Haven't done these for awhile. I do not own Dragon Ball Z, the credit goes entirely to Toriyama...a man of great genius. I alas, am just borrowing his characters for the afternoon.  
  
*Chapter 8*  
  
"Come on Gohan, just stay for lunch. It won't take you that long to fly home and it will be one less meal for you to cook."  
  
I stood in the living room with my arms folded but didn't say anything. Feeling a tug on my pants leg I looked down and found Goten staring up at me, giving me his best puppy dog eyes.  
  
"Please daddy? I'll pine if we don't. See my lips?" He was puckering his lips and doing his best attempt at quivering them.  
  
"Real cute, kid." But I couldn't help smiling down at him. "Fine, we can stay but only until after lunch, then we're out of here. You have school tomorrow."  
  
He grinned and threw his arms around me and I felt my throat tighten. It takes so little to make him happy, how could I not try to grant his simple wishes? It's not as if he's asking for the world, though I'd try to grant him that as well, if I could.  
  
"Thank you Gohan." I stiffened as Bulma walked over and gave me a quick hug. Pulling back, she gently thumped me on the arm. I looked at her in surprise.  
  
"Don't be so mean." She laughed. Before I had a chance to respond, the doorbell rang and Goten took off.  
  
"I'll get it!"  
  
Bulma followed Goten and I headed toward the kitchen. I'd reached the doorway when I heard Goten cry, "I know you!"  
  
Curious I turned back to look and saw that girl from the jewelry store robbery. Hercule Satan's daughter. I narrowed my eyes and walked over toward them, how could Goten know her?  
  
"Hello again Goten." She ruffled his hair and I repressed the urge to knock her hand away.  
  
"I'm sorry to bother you like this, but I was part of the school group that came through on Friday and I think I lost my watch in your garden."  
  
"The garden?" Bulma raised her eyebrows.  
"When I was going with Erasa to the bathroom, we bumped into Goten in the hall looking for his dad. I helped him find the garden and I think that's when I lost it."  
  
Bulma smiled and nodded opening the door wider and beckoning the girl to come in.  
  
"Sure no problem, I'll go ask my mom. She spent yesterday working in the garden, she might have come across it." Bulma looked down at Goten and winked. "Goten, why don't you go show your new friend into the living room so she can sit down." Then she turned and headed out the side door.  
  
It was then they finally noticed me. Grinning, Goten ran over and I scooped him up in my arms.  
  
"Hey dad, this is Videl. She lost her watch and we're going to help her find it. But I have to take her to the living room first to sit."  
  
Videl was staring at me doing a rather good impression of a fish, without waiting comment I turned with Goten still in my arms and headed toward the living room.  
  
"It's in here." I didn't look at the girl but could sense her following behind. I was impressed, she managed to wait until she had found a seat before blurting out.  
  
"You're that guy!"  
  
I refrained from rolling my eyes and instead offered her a slight smirk.  
  
"What? Not off saving the world today?"  
  
She scowled at me. "You have a real attitude problem you know that?" Looking at Goten she pointed a finger at me. "This is your dad?"  
  
I couldn't help grinning a little when Goten threw his arms around my neck. "Yep he's the best dad in the whole world!" The girl did another fish impression and stared at me.  
  
"You're his dad?"  
  
This time I did roll my eyes. "Give the girl a prize." Setting Goten down I nudged him toward the door. "Hey kiddo, go see if Bulma has found Videl's watch, ok?"  
  
"Ok." I watched him run out of the room before turning on Videl and narrowing my eyes at her.  
  
"Look, you seem like a nice enough person but you need to mind your own business. Yes, I'm Goten's dad. Yes, I'm young. He was born when I was twelve. We're old family friends of the Briefs and we're just visiting. We're leaving right after lunch. Does that answer all of your questions?"  
Videl had shrank as far back into the couch as she could and looked a little pale. I realized I was snarling at her. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair in frustration.  
  
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to frighten you." I stood up quickly. How long does it take to find one old lady and a watch? I headed toward the door when her voice stopped me.  
  
"Goten's mom?" She asked quietly.  
  
"She's dead." I turned back to look at the girl on the couch. "She died right after giving birth."  
  
"I'm so very sorry." The depth of sympathy in her voice took me aback. "My mom..." she stopped, seemed to choke on the words a little, and then continued. "My mom died right after giving birth to me as well."  
  
I walked back over to the couch and sat down across from her, not sure what to say. She saw our circumstances as being very similar, I knew them to be quite different. Her mother didn't have a choice, I know my mother did. She left Goten and me behind so she could be with dad. Videl's mother probably would have given anything to hold onto what our mother willingly gave away. In a way Videl's situation is worse, at least I can be angry with my mother's betrayal. Videl was left with nothing but a hole that could not be filled.  
  
Shaking my head I looked up at the young girl on the couch. "Life's pretty shitty, isn't it?"  
  
Startled she laughed and the tension eased in the room. We sat in silence for a while until I heard Goten running down the hall. He came barreling into the room out of breath and held a watch up in front of Videl. Bulma followed at a slower pace behind him.  
  
"Is this it Videl? Is this your watch? It's really cool! Look at this dad!" He jumped up and down in front of Videl. Chuckling I grabbed the bobbing object from him and studied it for a moment. It appeared to be a bit more than just a watch, and I quirked an eyebrow at the girl before handing it back.  
  
"Impressive."  
  
She blushed and shoved it in her pocket. "Well the police chief gave it to me as a present..." trailing off she blushed some more.  
  
"Why don't you stay and have some lunch with us?" Bulma smiled at the girl and shook her head. "No, don't say no. It's fine. It's all ready and there's plenty. Come on into the kitchen." Not waiting for a reply she turned and walked out of the room.  
  
"Come on Videl, you can sit next to me." Goten grabbed her hand and dragged Videl through the door while I followed behind silently thinking about what Videl had told me. I find it amazing how twisted life can be.  
If my mother had lived, this is probably the sort of girl my mom would have insisted I marry. I realize that a large part of my animosity toward the girl comes from the fact that she does remind me so strongly of my mother. I'm sure she's a nice girl but even if I was capable of feeling anything, I couldn't. She's a child. Our ages in years may be similar but our ages in life are experiences apart. I'm ancient next to this girl. She's an innocent. I give my life to take care of Goten. I don't want the responsibility of raising another child. I have absolutely nothing to say to her. What good is it pretending we're peers? We have nothing in common. My days are filled with deadlines, bills, meals, seeing to Goten's needs, and fighting my own inner demons. Where would a girl such as this fit into that life? Her days are filled with parties, friends, boring teachers and homework.  
  
We choose the paths we take in our lives. This path I've taken is one of solitude. If it wasn't for Goten I would have ended my life long ago. Betrayed by those I loved in life, I would betray them in death. But then I held Goten in my arms and realized I'd been given a second chance. Not a second chance for me, I was gone beyond retribution, but a second chance for Goten. I would be everything to him that had never been there for me. I don't exist anymore, all that really exists is Goten.  
  
I didn't say anything throughout lunch, just listened to Goten and Trunks chatter away to Videl. Vegeta also ignored the girl and left immediately after he'd finished eating. Prince of Saiyans he may be, Prince Charming he is not. Bulma to my surprise, left me to my thoughts.  
  
I walked with Videl to the door when she left after finishing her meal.  
  
"You know, I don't think you're such a jerk after all. There must be some shred of humanity in you to raise such an awesome kid as Goten."  
  
I looked at her in surprise and shook my head. "No you were right the first time. I am a jerk, Goten is just a great kid that's all."  
  
She laughed thinking I was joking. "Ok, tough guy. If you say so, but I bet inside you're a complete softy."  
  
She stuck out her hand for me to shake and I took it hesitantly. "It was nice meeting you Gohan, and here's a piece of advice. Don't be such a grump or you're going to miss all the fun life has to offer!"  
  
With that the door closed behind her and I was left standing there. What an innocent. I suppose her fantasy should be allowed for now, after all pretty soon she's going to grow up and realize what a harsh cruel place this world really is.  
  
I was still thinking about how different my life was from Videls, while I helped Bulma wash up the lunch dishes. I was so deep in thought I almost missed Bulma's first comment.  
  
"She's a nice girl. I'm pretty sure she likes you. Aren't you tired of being alone?"  
  
I should have known Bulma's silence was too good to be true. The woman just can't seem to resist meddling.  
  
I gave her a bored look and handed a cleaned plate to her. "Don't be ridiculous. She's an infant."  
  
"Don't you think you're being a little arrogant?"  
  
"I suppose being married to Vegeta would make you the expert on arrogance."  
  
"I'm serious Gohan. When are you going to cut yourself a little slack? You are allowed to move on with your life you know. You didn't die along with your parents."  
  
I let out a sharp breath of air and turned towards Bulma in irritation.  
  
"You really don't get it do you Bulma? This is my life. This is how I want to live it. Accept it or don't, it doesn't matter to me. But if you don't back off I will just shut you out. I'll turn you off and never look back. I've done it for the past six years and I'll do it again. I don't need you and I certainly don't need your fussing."  
  
"I only fuss because I care." Bulma spoke softly and didn't seem to notice she'd been drying the same plate for the past few minutes.  
  
"Your care is unwarranted and misguided. You seem to think I'm not aware of my life and how I live it. I happen to be satisfied with where I am right now. It may not appeal to you but it suits me."  
  
I know my words hurt her but I needed her to understand.  
  
"But it's so different from how things use to be."  
  
"And things were so wonderful back then? I don't know what story you were reading, but I remember a slightly darker tale."  
  
"I'm sorry Gohan. All I want to do is hold you and make everything better. I want you to be a little boy again so I can promise you that everything will be ok."  
  
"That's not possible Bulma. Bad things happen to good people, evil triumphs, injustice prevails. That's the real world. You thought I had the fairytale and want to give it back. Bulma, there never was a fairytale. Just a living nightmare."  
  
I tried to soften the harshness of my words by taking the cloth from her hands and gently holding them in mine.  
  
"Can't you try to make a fairytale for yourself now?" She asked softly.  
  
For a moment I couldn't answer her, instead pulling her into a hug. "There is no tale for me, my life is cast. But for Goten? I try to make that fairy tale true everyday."  
  
We stood like that for a long time, and then I wiped away the tears I knew were on her face.  
  
"I'm sorry I can't be the happy little boy you want me to be, Bulma. I'm a different person now, this is who I am now and I can't ever go back."  
  
"Maybe, do you think I can get to know this Gohan a little better? Maybe we can become friends."  
  
I studied her for a moment and then smiled. "I think I could handle that."  
  
She smiled slowly back and then we finished the dishes.  
  
-------  
Bulma watched as Goten waved from where he sat on Gohan's shoulders as they lifted up into the air. She had thought that by bringing them here she could encourage Gohan to come back and spend more time with his friends. Maybe even move closer. She had thought he would be the same cheerful little boy she last remembered seeing. Now she knew none of that was possible. She was going to have to let go of that little boy in her mind and accept this new person that Gohan had become. He was a good person, if a little cold at times and he had agreed to let them try again and start over. It would be a different relationship than they had before but maybe that wasn't such a bad thing.  
  
The miles in between their homes didn't really matter. It was the miles between their hearts that concerned Bulma the most. But maybe with time Goten would teach Gohan to trust again.  
  
-------  
I was relieved, I'd been afraid Bulma was going to break down and demand I stay longer or something. Maybe she's finally realizing I mean what I say about living alone.  
  
It feels really good to be going home. Bulma is a wonderful person, and even Vegeta isn't that bad, but I just feel so stifled when I'm around them. It would hurt Bulma terribly if I told her she reminded me of many things I wanted to forget. I could never live anywhere near her or the old gang, there's just too many memories.  
  
Bulma keeps saying it wasn't my fault and that the death of my parents was not my responsibility. She thinks she's trying to help but she's wrong. It was my fault. My father's death and in a way my mother's death. I screwed up. In one moment my life changed forever and it wasn't anybodies fault but mine.  
  
What hurts the most is he didn't come back. Dad could have come back but decided to stay. He left me behind and I never got the chance to say I was sorry, never got the chance to ask forgiveness. And when my mother followed after him I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, I would never be forgiven.  
I deprived the world a great hero; a wife, her loving husband; and a small infant the chance to ever get to know the man who brought him into this world. My sins are beyond redemption. The only way I know how to atone for my mistake is to take care of Goten the best way I can. Bulma wants to save me, but I'm beyond saving. I lost my place in this world that fateful day six years ago.  
  
For now I will continue to take care of Goten, but I know that some day my turn will come and I will follow my father down that path to death. I hold no allusions though, I didn't receive forgiveness in life, nor do I expect any in death.  
  
I was deep in these admittedly rather morbid thoughts when I realized Goten was trying to tell me something.  
  
"Sorry Goten, what did you say?"  
  
I felt him tug my hair gently in exasperation and he pointed down toward the land below. "Our house is right there dad! You're gonna fly right over it!"  
  
I looked down in surprise and saw he was right. We'd been flying along the coastline for a while and I hadn't been paying attention to where we were.  
  
"Hey your right. And that little boy, is why you shouldn't think and fly." He giggled and squirmed down into my arms.  
  
"Mrs. Thomas says it's 'drink and drive' dad. Not think and fly."  
  
I grinned and ruffled his hair. "Huh, just goes to show Mrs. Thomas doesn't know everything, why on earth would anyone drive? Darn strange way to get around if you ask me, and think of all those accidents. Now, have you heard of any mid air collisions between two people in the sky? No, I didn't think so. Now, children dropping out of the sky maybe."  
  
And with a laugh I tossed Goten up in the air and let him fall a little ways before gathering him back in my arms.  
  
"Do it again!" He laughed and I let go again, tracking his fall beside him while he laughed harder. Catching him one last time, I set us down outside and watched him race toward the house. You'd think we'd been gone for months instead of a week, but I had to agree that it was good to be home.  
  
TBC  
  
*Well there you go for chapter eight. And I even made Gohan play nice. hehe Midterms over, maybe things will settle down now. Again, thank you for all of the wonderful reviews, you guys make my day! See you next week with chapter nine!* 


	9. Chapter 9

"For the Love of a Child"  
  
Disclaimer: Toriyama is a God. I'm just a simple college student tinkering with his creation.  
  
*Chapter 9*  
  
We'd been home for about a week when a black car pulled up outside the house. I had returned from taking Goten to school an hour ago and was settling down to work when I heard knocking at the door.  
  
I studied the two outside the door briefly before opening it. They didn't look like they were lost and asking for directions. A man and woman stood in the doorway, both in business suits.  
  
"Can I help you?"  
  
Bulma says that I have mastered the cold stoic expression and moved onto 'frigidly scary'. I could tell these two were going for professional stoicism, but the woman just looked like she'd bitten into something nasty and the guy appeared to be constipated. Inwardly chuckling I watched the two, until the woman finally spoke.  
  
"Are you Gohan Son?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
The woman's eyes widened a little and she gave me the once over.  
  
It was the man's turn to talk. "I'm Paul Rider and this is Mary Web. We're from Social Services and we've been asked to look into the personal well being and home life of Goten Son."  
  
Damn it if that nosy Mrs. Thomas hadn't called in the big guns. I crossed my arms in front of me and scowled at the two standing in the door, blocking them from entering the house.  
  
"Personal well being and home life? They're both fine. And no he's not here, I let him out of the dungeon to go to school today. Even gave him a moldy crust of bread for lunch."  
  
"If we could come in and talk for a moment? We just want to get a sense of the sort of environment Goten lives in."  
  
Rider ignored my cracks about the dungeon and bread, and I wasn't sure if it was because he was that good, or just that stupid he couldn't deviate from the script. I flicked a glance at the woman and saw her trying to look past me into the house. Sighing in exasperation I moved out of the way and held the door wide for them to enter.  
  
"Well if you insist, come in then." Nobody said I had to be polite.  
  
I led the way into the living room and after everyone was seated, the real interrogation started. I found it strangely reminiscent of the Spanish inquisition.  
  
"Are you the sole guardian and care giver of Goten Son?"  
  
"Do you live here with Goten alone?"  
  
"Do you receive help from any other friends and family in raising Goten?"  
  
"How old are you?"  
  
"What do you do for a living? Do you find the income sufficient to raising a child?"  
  
"How do you discipline Goten?"  
  
"Have you ever hit Goten?"  
  
"Do you have a set bedtime for Goten?"  
  
"What is a typical meal that you have?"  
  
"Do you ever leave Goten here alone?"  
  
I was tempted at first to answer their questions as flippantly as possible but decided against it. While I know they can't take Goten away from me, I am of a legal age to take care of him, they could make our life more tedious. And unlike Vegeta, I'm not necessarily inclined to go blow up something up just to make my point. So I played their game and answered their questions truthfully. Or at least as much truth as they needed to know.  
  
"Yes I'm the sole guardian and care giver, Goten's mom died when he was born." The woman made little notes on her clipboard and gave me what I think was meant to be a sympathetic look.  
  
"And you live in this house alone with Goten?" The man, Rider, stared at me incredulously. Glancing down at my clothes I tried to imagine how I must look to them. While in my own mind I'm ancient, I forget others perceive me differently. I was wearing a pair of loose jeans and a blue button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up and the collar undone. Barefoot, messy hair- I probably looked like your average teenager, not the father of a five, though soon to be six year old.  
  
"Yes we live here alone, this is my house."  
  
This time the man put his pen down in open disbelief. "And what exactly is it you do for a living?"  
  
"I write novels."  
  
"Novels?"  
  
"Yes, I write under the name Sam Maxwell." I didn't think they needed to know about Dr. James Grant, having to admit to being Sam Maxwell was bad enough.  
  
"You're Sam Maxwell? As in the number one best seller Maxwell, the guy who writes all those adventure stories?" The woman, was staring at me with her mouth hanging open.  
  
"Do you have any evidence to prove this, I mean it's pretty outrageous!" The woman had dropped her clipboard in her agitation and was still gaping at me.  
  
I stood up in irritation. "I'll go get you some of the paperwork from my editor, will that suffice as proper evidence?"  
  
"Yes that would do fine."  
  
I stalked out of the room and grabbed some documents from my office before heading back to the living room. I could hear them talking and paused outside the door.  
  
"He's not a terribly friendly young man is he?"  
  
"Did the boys teacher say there was any evidence of neglect or abuse?"  
  
"No just that the home life seemed odd. Apparently a woman showed up in the middle of the home visit and was accusing Gohan of running away with the child. When the teacher confronted him, he kicked her out of the house."  
  
I walked back into the room at that point and handed the documents to the woman. "I trust these will be sufficient in proving I am more than financially capable of seeing to Goten's needs."  
  
She swallowed a couple times and handed the papers to Rider. After a brief look he put them down and studied me for a moment.  
  
I decided I'd had enough. This whole business was boring and wasting my time. "Look, let's just cut to the chase. I know you're here because of Bulma's comment when Mrs. Thomas was here." I stared at the two and waited for them to say something.  
  
"Well, since you brought it up Gohan, Mrs. Thomas was a little concerned."  
  
I snorted a laugh and stared at the ceiling.  
  
"Concerned?"  
  
"Gohan, where are your parents? We find it hard to believe that they're dead like you told Goten's teacher. How come you live here alone? Did you run away from home? It's alright, you can talk to us, you won't get into trouble." The woman, Mary, was leaning forward and placed a hand on my knee.  
  
I looked down at her hand and then stared at her, waiting for her to remove it. She did, rather hastily and I resumed my study of the ceiling.  
  
"My parents are dead. I live here alone because I want to. And no, despite what that busybody Mrs. Thomas thought she heard, I did not run away from home or steal Goten or any other such nonsense."  
  
"But you're so young! Shouldn't you be in school yourself?"  
  
I sighed and looked at the two social workers sitting across from me. I wasn't going to be able to blow them off. I resented having to share information about my personal life but it looked like I wouldn't be able to get rid of them otherwise.  
  
"Ok fine. You want to know about me? I guess I'll start with who I am. Have you ever heard of the martial artist Goku Son?"  
  
They look puzzled for a moment and then the man suddenly nodded. "Yeah, I remember. He was a World's Martial Arts champion, a really incredible fighter if I remember correctly."  
  
The woman nodded as well. "That's right. Isn't he the one who fought as a little kid and came in second place both times, just barely losing the championship? After he did win the championship he just kind of disappeared from the tournament..."  
  
Rider stared at me in surprise, "Goku Son...Gohan Son...you wouldn't be related would you?"  
  
"He was my father."  
  
Both social workers did their own fish impressions. I seem to be getting that a lot lately.  
  
"Rumor was he stopped fighting because he got married." Rider looked at me questioningly.  
  
"I suppose. My mom was the daughter of the Ox King. She was a pretty formidable lady and never did approve of my dad's fighting." I couldn't help but shake my head at the irony. "She called him a karate bum."  
  
"Wow, so you're the son of Goku, that's pretty incredible. Did he teach you how to fight as well?" The woman seemed to find my family history extremely exciting but I could only snort in disgust.  
  
"Yes he taught me. But he's dead now and I don't fight anymore." "How did he die?" I glared at the man but he just looked back at me calmly.  
  
"Saving my sorry butt from Cell." It came out more bitter than I intended and I paused for a moment, searching for my balance.  
  
"Anyway, my mom died shortly after. Goten was born around that time and I've been taking care of him since. I had lots of friends I could have gone to for help but I just wanted to get away."  
  
I looked over at the two social workers. "My father was a great man. He was surrounded by friends who loved him. After he died I just couldn't handle being around them, too many happy memories long gone. So I came here with Goten, took courses online, my mother had always home schooled me so it was no great change. Completed my degree, started writing and built this house. I'm nineteen years old. I very seldom have to discipline Goten and I've never hit him. His bedtime is 9 pm, a typical meal consists of rice, vegetables, and meat, and no I have never left him alone. Does that answer all of your questions?"  
  
Rider watched me silently for a moment more and then stood up. "Yes I think you've given us enough information. This appears to be a perfectly safe and healthy environment. We'll convey to Mrs. Thomas that she has nothing to worry about."  
  
The two social workers gathered their things and I walked them to the door.  
  
"Thank you for answering all of our questions, I realize this has probably brought up a lot of painful memories and I apologize." Rider held out a hand and I shook it in surprise. Smiling at me the woman, waved and walked toward the car. Rider started to follow her and then turned back.  
  
"By the way, are you teaching Goten martial arts as well? Passing on the old Son tradition?"  
  
I blinked and released my grip on the doorframe where my fingers had left indents. I should have known this question was coming.  
  
"Yes."  
  
Rider chuckled. "Gotcha." And with that they drove away, leaving me standing in the doorway feeling like my personal life had been dragged out and walked on.  
  
I pushed the social workers and their questions out of my mind for the rest of the day, but didn't realize how tense I was until I felt myself relax when Goten came racing out of the school. He ran over to my usual spot my the tree where I stood waiting, and I crouched down to catch him in my arms before swinging him up. Holding him close I drank in the smell and feel of him, it was like pure joy and sunshine.  
  
"Hey there little man, how was school today?" I tossed him up in the air and caught him while he squealed with laughter before finally resting him up on my shoulders. He leaned over and kissed me on the cheek and I felt that strange choking sensation in my throat again. Pushing it down I started walking down the sidewalk, toward the rear of the school where we normally left from.  
  
"It was great dad! We painted and I made a picture of Uncle Vegeta, it's in my bag. Can we send it to him sometime?"  
  
I chuckled imagining the look on Vegeta's face when he received the picture. "Sure thing kiddo, we can package it all up tonight after dinner and I'll mail it tomorrow."  
  
"Alright! Oh dad, guess what? Tomorrow is show and tell and it's my turn."  
  
"Show and tell?"  
  
"Yeah, I have to bring something special to me and tell the class about it."  
  
"Do you know what you want to bring?"  
  
Goten was silent for a moment and I felt him rest his cheek on the top of my head while he played with my hair.  
  
"I was kind of hoping to bring the four star Dragon Ball."  
  
I stopped in the middle of the side walk and reached up. Pulling Goten down in front of my chest I studied his face for a moment.  
  
"The four star ball huh? Why do you want to bring that?"  
  
He looked back at me seriously and then threw his arms around me to give me a hug.  
  
"Well you tell me the stories about the ball and I think it's pretty..." he trailed off and looked up at me eyes shining. "This is one of those things we have to keep secret isn't it?"  
  
I looked at him sadly. "Yeah kiddo, I'm afraid it is. I know you think it's really neat and just want to share it with your class but I'm afraid it's one of those things that most people just wouldn't understand."  
  
He nodded at me again and something inside me I didn't know still existed gave a sharp stab of pain. He looked so serious, for a moment I saw myself at that age, eyes full of knowledge a child should never have. Quickly I pulled him close to me in a tight hug.  
  
"I know, why don't you bring Mr. Hoppers tomorrow? You can tell the class all about him, maybe if they're gentle they can hold him. How about that?"  
  
I pulled him back a little so I could see his face and felt another sharp stab of pain in my chest. He laughed and patted my cheek before clapping his hands. The smile on his face could have lit up the darkest of rooms.  
  
"That's a great idea dad! Yeah, I bet the class would really like Mr. Hoppers!" I chuckled and swung him back up onto my shoulders.  
  
"Glad to know I'm good for something." Goten laughed and I struggled to keep myself from shaking, relief washing over me in waves to see that sad serious look on his face gone. The choking feeling was back in my throat and my eyes felt strange, burning. If I didn't know better I'd say I was close to tears. Shaking my head at that ridiculous thought I rounded the corner of the school. I hadn't cried since the day I watched my father disappear before my eyes with Cell, I certainly wasn't about to start crying now. I have no more tears to shed.  
  
-------  
Rider watched the teenager and little boy disappear around the corner. In order to complete his report he had wanted to see Gohan interact with Goten when he didn't think anyone was watching. Rider was more than satisfied. He couldn't hear what the two said to each other, but their body language spoke volumes. It was obvious Gohan doted on the child and the little boy practically radiated love and joy. There was no doubt in Rider's mind that despite his age, Gohan was taking excellent care of the little boy in question.  
  
"Well Mr. Rider, have you reached a decision regarding Goten Son?" Mrs. Thomas walked over to stand next to the social worker.  
  
"Yes Mrs. Thomas, I have. I think that little boy couldn't be left in better hands."  
  
"But that young man is so..." the teacher trailed off, a loss for words on how to describe the teenager.  
  
"Yes, appears rather cold doesn't he?" Rider remarked dryly. "But have you ever seen him look that way at Goten? I only saw love and trust and that's good enough for me. From what I can tell, the kid's had a rough time, I think a little anger at the world is to be expected."  
  
Rider shrugged and offered the teacher a smile. "If it makes you feel better, I'll keep this case on my 'active' list for a while. I can stop by the Son residence every once in a while to check on them, see how they're both doing."  
  
Mrs. Thomas offered the social worker a worried smile and nodded slowly. "I'd appreciate that."  
  
Rider patted the woman's hand and then headed back to his office to file his final report. He really didn't think the teacher had anything to worry about. Gohan appeared to be responsible far beyond what one would expect. He'd been managing just fine all this time, Rider doubted he needed much help. Rider did have to wonder though. That look in Gohan's eyes when he'd spoke of his father. It was such a strange look. One of anger and sorrow, but there had been bitterness too. And always in Gohan's eyes was a sense that he had seen things Rider couldn't even imagine. Gohan eyes reflected age far beyond his years. But those were things Rider could understand. What made him pause and feel a little cold was the sense that when you looked into Gohan eyes, they were the eyes of someone who had seen death and regretted living.  
  
TBC  
  
*Another chapter for you all. I'm glad to hear so many of you are enjoying my story. Thanks for all of your reviews and support. Once again, criticism and feedback are more than welcome, they're what make me a better writer and give you a better story. Till next time!* 


	10. Chapter 10

"For the Love of a Child"  
  
Disclaimers: I don't own DBZ, I'm just borrowing it's characters. And at this point I'm not sure Toriyama could recognize some of them.  
  
*Chapter 10*  
  
The moon shone full and heavy through my window and seemed to mock me where I lay. True to my promise I'd stopped using the gravity machine to beat myself into slumber. Of course this meant I wasn't getting much sleep. Tonight was especially bad, I couldn't stop remembering and the room seemed filled with the voices of my past. The memory of my screams as dad disappeared before my eyes seemed to echo around the room.  
  
Today, Goten asked me to teach him how to fly. I know it's a reasonable request but I don't want to. I don't want him to grow up. I want him to stay five forever. But it's like I told Bulma, we all have to grow up sometime. I just never realized how hard it would be to let go. I see myself holding him while standing over our mother's grave. I remember when he said his first word. I remember him sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor with his hair full of peanut butter, one hand in the jar. His first steps into my arms. The first time he turned Super Saiyan. I remember it all.  
  
I'm afraid for him, going out into the world, and I'm afraid for me, that I'll lose him. If I grant him his wings to fly free, what if he never comes back? I couldn't bear that. When he's gone all I'll have left is the cold. I'll truly be alone. He's the only one that warms the space where my soul use to be. Once he's gone I'll have no reason to continue. Piccolo said he found new reasons each day to live. I don't want to. I never wanted to stay, the pain and anger, too unbearable. But then I held Goten in my arms and everything changed. He wormed his way inside me and touched a part I thought was gone long ago. He helped me cope. I gave up thoughts to kill myself. I had to protect him. For Goten, I managed to pick up the pieces and move on. I managed to get up in the morning and eat, to go out and make a home for us. I managed to put aside my rage and hurt so I could care for this child in the way he deserved.  
  
I know I'm going to have to let him go. With each day he gets older, learns to make more decisions on his own. It's so hard though.  
  
My body is shaking and I realize the choking feeling is back in my throat.  
  
Alone. Alone. Alone.  
  
I can hear Cell laughing in my head. I see in my mind, dad smile sadly at me, he looks so disappointed.  
  
Alone. Alone. Alone.  
  
My eyes are burning now and I curl up into a ball and press my fists to them. What's wrong with me? Suddenly I feel as though I'm outside looking down on myself crouched in the bed. I look so lonely in the middle of my bed and suddenly I realize how young I am. Look at me, so young and alone lying there. I can see Goten, he's older, around twelve and he's eating at a table. Then he's a teenager around seventeen and he's waving goodbye to me. I see myself, sitting at my desk listening to the emptiness of the house and I drop my head into my hands.  
  
A strange sound breaks the silence and I'm back, huddled in my bed. I realize the strange sound is me and I'm sobbing. I can't seem to stop shaking and I bury my face in my pillow to hide the sound. I can taste the salty tears as they run down my face. Goten. God, he's leaving me. I'm alone. I gasp as a stab of pain catches me in the chest. I hurt. God how I hurt.  
  
"No." I moan. "God no."  
  
Suddenly I feel arms around me and somebody is pulling me to them, holding me close.  
  
"It's alright Gohan. Let it go. It's ok to let it go." I recognize the deep voice as Piccolo. I shudder and bury my face in his chest as another deep sob wracks my body.  
  
"It hurts. Make it stop. Please make it stop. I'm sorry. I'm so alone. Please no. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I can't seem to see through the pain and hurt. The world has turned dark and heavy and I'm falling. From somewhere far away I can hear Piccolo's voice but I don't understand what he's saying. I want him to stop talking and let me fall. The darkness comes closer and I move toward it. Faintly I hear a new voice. It seems familiar, important.  
  
"Daddy."  
  
The voice continues to call.  
  
"Daddy."  
  
Where have I heard this voice? Daddy. I remember a daddy. Images of warm hands and a wide smile. No, that person's dead. He's gone now, he doesn't want to be my daddy anymore. The voice is still calling though. That voice. Something...a name floats across my thoughts.  
  
Goten.  
  
Daddy.  
  
Goten.  
  
Daddy.  
  
I remember.  
  
Suddenly I'm not falling, but flying up. I feel arms holding me, rocking me. Something is stroking my face, wiping away the tears that are making tracks down my cheeks. Goten. It's Goten. I realize where I am and what I'm doing. Sitting in my bed sobbing like a baby. Goten is staring at me eyes wide and I stiffen. What am I doing? I try to push away from Piccolo, I have to stop this. I try to choke back the tears and sobs.  
  
"Sorry, Goten. Bad dream, hey even grownups have nightmares huh?" I try to laugh but it comes out as another sob and Piccolo tightens his grip around me.  
  
"No Gohan. Not this time, you can't lie this time." Piccolo shifts and cradles me closer to him. "It's alright to grieve. You don't have to be strong all the time. You haven't allowed yourself this have you? You've been holding it all in. Everybody has to grieve Gohan. It's ok. Just let it go."  
  
Something seems to snap inside me. A moan starts to build deep in my chest and I try to hold onto it, to keep it inside. I feel as if something is going to explode in my chest, the pressure increasing. Then it seems to break loose and I just can't hold it in any longer. With a wail I turn and bury my face in Piccolo's shoulder and let the tears fall. I don't know how long I sat there, crying away all my years of hurt, anger, betrayal, sorrow and guilt. I don't know. I just remember the feeling of arms around me. And then I slept.  
  
TBC  
  
*Well I'm not entirely sure where this came from. Guess it's been a long time in coming. I didn't start the chapter with the intention of writing this scene, it just sort of appeared on my screen. Well, I did say I had a tendency to write angst. And I know...it's dreadfully short, I'm sorry. But after finishing that last sentence, I just couldn't write anymore to it. The chapter just felt finished. But I promise to update sooner to make up for it. Expect a new update sooner than a week. Scouts honor.* 


	11. Chapter 11

"For the Love of a Child"  
  
Disclaimer: See previous chapters where I explain I don't get paid to do this and I don't own the characters.  
  
*Chapter 11*  
  
It was the sunlight that woke me up. I slowly opened my eyes and then I realized there was something heavy resting on my chest. I tipped my head slightly and couldn't help but smile, Goten was sprawled out on top of me, his hands tightly clutching my arm.  
  
"Welcome back to the land of the living."  
  
I looked over and found Piccolo propping up the doorway, arms crossed in front of him.  
  
"He wouldn't leave you know."  
  
I blinked at Piccolo stupidly and then realized he was talking about Goten. Bringing my free arm up, careful not to wake him, I gently brushed my fingers through his hair.  
  
"I shouldn't have let that happen. Last night. He should never have to see stuff like that, I probably scared him to death." I spoke softly hoping Piccolo would just go away and let me put back the pieces I'd let fall apart.  
  
"Gohan, you did nothing wrong last night. You've been trying to be strong for so damn long you never let yourself heal. It's alright to grieve. It's alright to let go once in awhile. You don't have to be strong all the time."  
  
"You're wrong. I do. I have to protect him Piccolo. I promised I would protect him. I promised I'd never let anything happen to him. I promised to keep him happy."  
  
"You can't keep the world away from him Gohan. You can't protect him from everything."  
  
I could feel my chest tighten and tears were threatening to leak down my face. What the hell was wrong with me?  
  
"No! I have to. I promised! He's everything I'm not. Don't you understand? That's why I'm here!" The tears had spilled and were making tracks down my face. I tried to stop the words coming out of my mouth but they refused to cooperate.  
  
"Why are you here, Gohan?" Piccolo asked softly.  
  
"To take away his pain! To insure his place in life. I'll take all of his hurts away and hold them for him. I'll hold them all so he doesn't have to! I've already committed my crimes. I'm unforgiven Piccolo! Don't you see? But it's ok, I can fix it. I'll make things good for Goten. I promise I'll fix it all. I'll go to hell so he can be free!"  
  
Piccolo stared at me for a moment. "Oh Gohan..." Then he was across the room and his arms were around me. "Oh kid, how did it get to this? That you would think..." He didn't finish, he just rocked me in his arms like a child.  
  
I didn't understand. I didn't understand any of this. When Goten stirred in my arms I latched onto him as the one thing I did understand. He was my focus, he was what grounded me. By the time he opened his eyes I'd wiped away the tears and pushed Piccolo away. He just looked sadly at me and sighed.  
  
"I'll be in the other room." With another shake of his head he walked out of the bedroom.  
  
After he left, I looked down at Goten and found him watching me closely.  
  
"Morning little man." I smiled at him and gently ruffled his hair.  
  
"Are you still sad daddy?"  
  
He was looking at me with such an earnest expression I almost started crying all over again. Instead I picked him up and carried us over to the window and stood there for a moment holding Goten to my chest and trying to think of what to tell him. He was worried, I could tell. So what I needed to do first was relieve that worry.  
  
"No kiddo, I'm not still sad. I...I'm fine."  
  
I needed to distract him so he would forget. Tossing him up in the air and catching him I spun us around before pretending to get dizzy and collapsed on the bed.  
  
Laughing he crawled up and laid his head down on my chest, ear pressed to my heartbeat.  
  
"I love you Daddy."  
  
I could feel him tapping his fingers in rhythm with the beats of my heart. Drawing a shaky breath I wrapped my arms around him and held him close.  
  
"I love you too Goten."  
  
If I didn't do something soon I was going to start crying and frighten Goten all over again. Grabbing him up with my hands I flipped us over and started tickling him. Leaning down I pretended to chew on his arm, making growling noises while he squirmed and squealed with laughter.  
  
"I love you so much I'm going to have to eat you all up! Mmmmm, Goten Son for breakfast..."  
"Dad!" He laughed and twisted under me. Looking at me with wide mischievous eyes he powered up to Super Saiyan and tried to crawl out from where I had him gently pinned with my fingers.  
  
"Oh so that's the way you want it then? That's ok, I always preferred my Goten's golden brown." I chuckled and swooped him up tipping him upside down and holding him by the ankle with one hand while I continued to tickle him.  
  
"Dad...." He gasped between laughs. "Get you!" And then he gathered up his energy so he wasn't hanging upside down so much as floating upside down.  
  
Laughing I paused for a moment and looked down at him. "Oh yeah? So now what are you going to do?"  
  
"This!" He managed to use my moments pause to twist up and around before throwing himself at my chest and latching his arms around my neck.  
  
"Gotcha!" He chuckled and then planted a wet kiss on my cheek.  
  
"Ahhh! He's got me! My breakfast has turned on me! Help!" I staggered us around the room before lurching out the bedroom door. Staggering down the hall I continued to moan.  
  
"I'm done for. This is the end, so long fair world!" With one final dramatic gasp, somewhat ruined by Goten's peals of laughter, I collapsed on the floor in the middle of the hall. Goten's giggles, if possible seemed to increase and I looked up to find myself staring into Piccolo's slightly amused face peering down at me. Goten gave up and rolled off me to collapsed on the floor, still laughing.  
  
"I was going to ask if you wanted breakfast but apparently you've made your own arrangements." Piccolo commented dryly.  
  
I glared at him, though I'm not sure how intimidating a look it was considering I was lying on my back staring at him upside down.  
  
"You tell anyone and I'll have to kill you."  
  
Piccolo smirked down at me. "Wouldn't dream of it."  
  
He offered me his hand and hauled me to my feet. I stood there for a moment not sure what to say. Finally I just settled on a grunt and headed toward the kitchen. "Come on Goten, I'll see what I can do about breakfast." He yelled enthusiastically and took off at a run. I followed behind when Piccolo's voice called me back.  
  
"Gohan."  
  
I turned and gave him a questioning look, eyebrow raised.  
  
"I know Goten is important to you, but you can't keep running away from the real problem. How long are you going to push away your own needs for the sake of someone else?"  
  
I narrowed my eyes at him. "We are not having this conversation."  
  
With a final glare at Piccolo I turned away and headed off after Goten.  
  
------  
  
He thinks I'm going to leave again but I won't. I've made so many mistakes with Gohan and the biggest was allowing him to walk away from everything after his parents died. I thought a little space was all he needed, a little time to get his head and heart around all that had happened. He was so strong, always bouncing back from whatever force had knocked him down. I just assumed he would bounce back from this as well. I guess everybody has their limits and more fool me for not realizing when Gohan had reached his.  
  
It worries me the way he's able to push away his own pain and suffering. It's rather frightening how easily he ignored the anguish he was in this morning, as soon as Goten woke up it was as if a totally different person was standing in the room. The only thing that didn't change was his eyes. The joy he caused in Goten didn't reflect in his eyes. Gohan's hurting so bad, he probably doesn't even remember what it feels like to live without that pain.  
  
I always knew he blamed himself for the death of Goku but I had no idea he'd twisted it around in his head so that now he thinks he deserves all this suffering.  
  
'I'll go to hell so he can be free.'  
  
When he whispered that, clutching Goten to him, I thought my heart would break right there.  
  
We get so caught up in how strong Gohan is, how smart, how reliable, how responsible. We all forgot that he was only twelve when he walked away from us all. A twelve year old left to cope with the death of his father and mother. He believes he's unworthy. Unforgiven. That beautiful bright boy believes he's some kind of monster damned for his sins.  
  
I'd kill Goku if he wasn't dead already.  
  
How could he leave Gohan behind like that? How could Chi Chi? They probably assumed he would be taken care by all of their friends. But friends aren't family and family was what Gohan needed. No wonder he thinks he's unforgiven. He was left behind. It must have seemed to him to be the ultimate punishment.  
  
Dear God. I really will kill Goku. Even if I have to go to the after life to do it.  
  
For most people death is just a part of the way life works. People die, time moves on, one learns to cope. But Goku is special. He's always been special. He was given choices. He was offered a choice between life with his family and life without his family. He willingly chose to leave Gohan. I can only wonder at what was going through Gohan's mind as he stood there and listened to Goku deny him. Deny him a life. Deny him forgiveness. Unforgiven.  
  
Gohan thinks Goku blames him and left him as punishment. Unforgiven. Damn. I'm amazed Gohan has turned out as well as he has. If I had been in his position I probably would have left Goten. But he didn't. It's that strength of his showing through again.  
  
This is truly unacceptable. I failed Gohan all these years, I won't fail him anymore. Goku will be held accountable for this, even if I have to go fetch the damn man myself.  
  
-------  
  
He's still here. It's been a week now and Piccolo is still here. I can't figure him out. He chose to leave me alone for all this time, why has he suddenly decided to pop back into my life? I decided to confront him about it one day after I delivered Goten to school.  
  
I found Piccolo doing his meditating thing on the other side of the balcony. It was rather disconcerting to see him hovering next to the deck railing like that, legs crossed under him.  
  
I propped myself against the doorframe and folded my arms in front. "Why are you here?"  
  
He opened his eyes to look at me for a moment and then smirked. "I've noticed you do that a lot."  
  
I blinked at him in surprise and then looked down. My stance. I'd unconsciously been doing it for years and just now realized where I got it from. Piccolo. I snorted and moved away from the door to throw myself in a deck chair.  
  
"I want to know why you're here. Why now after all this time."  
  
He didn't move from his spot where he hovered but he tipped his head in my direction.  
  
"I messed up and now I'm trying to remedy the situation."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
He sighed and stretched, coming out of the position fluidly like a cat and then settled in the chair across from me.  
  
"I should never have left you alone for as long as I did. I didn't realize how bad things really were."  
  
I snorted angrily. "Things are just fine."  
  
"Oh really? When's the last time you allowed yourself a little moment to grieve for the ones you loved? When's the last time you cried?"  
  
"What do you call all that wet garbage that went on the other night?"  
  
"Aside from that one time Gohan."  
  
I scowled at him and slumped further into the chair. "What is this Piccolo, some kind of Namekian therapy session?"  
  
He chuckled quietly. "Maybe."  
  
"Well Dr. Piccolo, the service sucks and I'm not paying. You're fired."  
  
He chuckled again and shook his head. "It doesn't work that way kid, you can't fire me."  
  
I raised an eyebrow at him. "Oh really? And why is that?"  
  
"Because I care about you, and unlike some people, I'm not leaving."  
  
I sucked in my breath. "That was a low blow Piccolo and you know it."  
  
"Gohan, your father was a great fighter who held no equal. He was also a good man with a large heart. But when it came to you he was an idiot. I may love Goku but that doesn't mean I have to approve of all of the decisions he made, especially regarding you."  
  
"That's sweet Piccolo, are you going somewhere with this or is this one of those touchy feely, father-son moments a guy has after he reaches a certain age?"  
  
Piccolo blew out his breath in exasperation. "When did you grow up and become such a smart ass?" He growled.  
  
"Piccolo, you're not my father. I don't need you to sit down and parent me. I don't need this from anyone."  
  
"Damn it Gohan, I'm not trying to replace your father."  
  
"That's good," I shot back, "because I don't need one. Goten and I are doing just fine. What more do you people want from me? Six years Piccolo, six years I've managed; built my life and protected Goten. Now suddenly you decide to show up. I'm not twelve and I don't need you."  
  
"So why does the thought of Goten growing up scare you so bad you broke down for the first time in six years? You can't hide from me Gohan, I was there. I heard what you said as you lay there hurting. Those were the true thoughts of your heart Gohan, not this snowball bullshit you feed to the rest of the world."  
  
Piccolo was up out of his chair and in my face shaking me by the collar.  
  
"There is a lot of stuff going on in that head of yours that you've buried so deep you don't even recognize it when you cry it out to the night."  
  
I jerked away from his grip and stood up, turning my back on him to stare out across the ocean.  
  
"Just leave me alone Piccolo. Go back to the lookout, resume your life. Just leave me alone."  
  
"I've been leaving you alone for too long now Gohan."  
  
"So what, you think you can just pop back into my life and make everything better?" I didn't turn around but I could hear him grinding his teeth.  
  
"No, but I can be here to remind you that you aren't alone. I made a mistake six years ago when I let you walk away. A terrible injustice to you has been allowed to grow for far too long."  
  
"Oh spare me. You see me have one bad night and now you're wracked with guilt. Well I absolve you. No problems. Now you can leave."  
  
"What, leave you here to continue thinking you have no life other than Goten? Allow you to believe that nobody loves you or cares enough to stick around? You got hurt kid, all those years ago, Goku hurt you so bad when he walked away that you don't give anyone the chance to do that to you again."  
  
I turned around to stare at Piccolo, I don't think I'd ever seen him this angry, to the point where he was yelling and waving his arms around. He saw me turn and look and seemed to calm down. Gazing at me he dropped back into the chair and put his head in his hands.  
  
"You have no idea how much it hurts me to see you like this Gohan. You are so very special but you won't believe it."  
  
I snorted and addressed the waves crashing below me. "Hey man, so I'm a little screwed up, nobody's perfect."  
  
I could practically feel Piccolo scowling at my back. "No Gohan you're wrong. You are perfect and none of this is your fault. You are just as cherished as Goten, kid, and it's about time you started realizing that." There was a pause and I glanced over my shoulder and saw his gaze turned inward for a moment and then he seemed to give a sigh of relief. "It's about damn time."  
  
I started to demand he explain his cryptic remarks when I suddenly sensed something coming. Something I hadn't sensed in a long time. And then it was there. I didn't dare breath, not believing in what I would find when I turned around to face the door. What was Piccolo trying to pull? I couldn't resist the need to turn and see though, I felt the spirit tugging at my awareness.  
  
I turned around slowly not believing the presence I felt in the room. That spirit. It was a ghost from the past. Warm, tinted gold, laughter mixed with joy covering a core of steel. It couldn't be. I looked up and stared into eyes as dark as mine, a grin I use to share. This couldn't be.  
  
"Hello son."  
  
Dad.  
  
I stared at his face and shook my head.  
  
"No." I whispered. "No, it can't be."  
  
Something grabbed my chest and burned. I stared at his smiling face and couldn't stop the pain in my chest. It tore at me, tore at my body, pressing to be released. I felt as if I was being consumed.  
  
"No!" I moaned. The world turned grey with flashes of white bursts. As the world faded to black I heard somebody scream and just before all disappeared I realized it was me.  
  
"Bastard!"  
  
Then all was cold and black and I felt no more pain.  
  
TBC  
  
*Hehe...I know pretty evil place to end the chapter. Hey, and you guys doubted me when I promised to have this chapter out sooner than a week. I hope you enjoyed it and it was long enough for you all. Well I've been thinking about poor Gohan and decided this is really the only way to help the guy. I've messed him up so bad I wasn't sure I was going to be able to fix him. Hopefully this will help. Thanks for all the reviews, I wouldn't get these out so fast without all of you encouragements!* 


	12. Chapter 12

"For the Love of a Child"  
  
Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me, the plot kind of does though. But yeah, this is all the creation of Toriyama and whatever company he's affiliated with..  
  
*Chapter 12*  
  
Piccolo says I fought them. Tried to tear dad's throat out. Powering up faster than they could control I went for the man across from me with murder in my eyes. I guess Piccolo and Dad held me down, fighting to keep hold of me while I screamed and swore and then cried.  
  
I don't remember this. I just remember the pain and then the blackness that followed.  
  
Awareness came back to me slowly. I opened my eyes and I found myself lying in my bed, something pressing on my chest. Looking down I saw the familiar presence of Goten sleeping, sprawled out on top of me. It reminded me of the day I woke up after crying in Piccolo's arms.  
  
My brain felt muddled and I struggled to gather up my wits. Why was Goten here? Why was I in bed? What time was it? What had happened? Eventually my thoughts stopped spinning in circles and settled down to an image that was burned in my mind.  
  
Dad.  
  
Suddenly it all came rushing back to me and I groaned, rubbing a hand over my face.  
  
"Gohan, you awake?" Piccolo's voice called softly from across the room.  
  
"Yeah." My voice sounded rough and I struggled to sit up and not disturb Goten.  
  
"What...the time? How did Goten..."  
  
"It's almost six."  
  
I looked out toward the window trying to make out the light. "Six in the morning or six at night?"  
  
"Morning. You've been out all night."  
  
"How did Goten get home from school?" I finished sitting up and carefully laid Goten down in the warm spot I'd vacated. Murmuring in his sleep he burrowed into the pillow and I couldn't help but smile a little.  
  
"I asked Vegeta to pick him up. Bulma offered to keep him for a while but I thought you'd prefer he stay with you." He looked at me questioningly and I nodded to show my approval.  
  
"That busybody Mrs. Thomas didn't notice I wasn't there?"  
  
"Actually she did, but Goten apparently went tearing out of the building yelling 'Uncle Vegeta' and there is no denying you Saiyans all look related, so she let him go. I figured Goten knew Vegeta the best and would draw the least amount of attention." He looked down wryly at his own green skin.  
  
I stretched feeling aches all over my body and was surprised to see I looked rather beat up.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"You don't remember?" Piccolo studied me seriously.  
  
"I remember talking to you and then I remember..." I looked up sharply at Piccolo. "Dad. Dad was here wasn't he?"  
  
Piccolo looked slightly uncomfortable and I scowled at him. Finally he nodded slowly.  
  
"I'm assuming you had something to do with that?" He nodded again reluctantly.  
  
"So why do I look and feel like I've been run over by a house?"  
  
That's when he told me about my little temper tantrum.  
  
I listened quietly while I shrugged into a shirt and threw on a pair of jeans and then ignoring his scowl of disapproval I popped a couple of senzu beans.  
  
"So is he still here?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Why?"  
  
I brushed past him and headed toward the kitchen, Piccolo following behind me.  
  
"Because I asked him to come. You need to work this out with him Gohan."  
  
"There is nothing to work out Piccolo. The man is dead, I've made my peace with it. Dragging him back here was really pointless. I have no desire to see him at all."  
  
I grabbed a coffee cup and set it down on the counter, ignoring Piccolo in favor of watching the coffee pot percolate.  
  
"I think you should talk to him Gohan, if only for a few moments. I think it's necessary. For closure."  
  
"You really are a nosy bastard aren't you Piccolo?"  
  
"I'll take that as a compliment."  
  
I heard the smile in his voice and turned in surprise. He was smirking at me and leaning against the counter. I shook my head at him and sighed, giving him the coffee cup I'd taken out first and getting myself a new one.  
  
"Look Piccolo, I don't know what you're expecting from this little 'family reunion'..."  
  
"I'm not expecting anything." He cut me off. "I just want you to talk to the man. He loves you, Gohan."  
  
"Bullshit." I slammed my cup down, coffee spilling over the edge. "You don't know what you're talking about Piccolo. Maybe he loved me at one point but I screwed it up. I lost that chance remember? I let Cell win and let him take Dad away from me. There is nothing to love and nothing to forgive. If he loved me so damn much, why did he leave?"  
  
"I thought I was doing the right thing."  
  
I whirled around and saw him standing in the middle of the kitchen watching me with a strange expression on his face.  
  
"You thought you were doing the right thing? Well that's just wonderful. Of course you were. Goku saves the world once again. So noble, so brave. Sacrificing his life for the sake of the world."  
  
I could hear all of the anger and sarcasm rolling out of my mouth, and he seemed to flinch with each word, but I felt as if I was watching from afar, not really in control of myself or my words. Nor did I really care.  
  
"Of course you were doing the right thing. It didn't matter about your family. About me or mom or Goten. None of us mattered because we all have to think about the greater good don't we?"  
  
I stopped and leaned against the counter shaking slightly. I did not want this to happen. Damn Piccolo, damn that nosy bastard and damn his stupid ideas.  
  
"Gohan, I didn't mean..." I cut him off with a wave of my hand, suddenly feeling very tired.  
  
"No, Dad don't. I can understand your reason for leaving me, I deserved it, but why mom? Why Goten? How could you do that to them?"  
  
He looked puzzled and turned to Piccolo, questions written all over his face.  
  
"Goten? Who...?"  
  
My legs suddenly gave out and I collapsed on the floor. My lungs were burning and the room started spinning. Then Piccolo was there, standing in front of me, shaking my shoulders.  
  
"Breath Gohan!"  
  
With a gasp I felt air rush in and I looked up at Piccolo, his face swimming in front of me.  
  
"He doesn't know? Piccolo, he doesn't know?"  
  
"I'm so sorry Gohan, I didn't realize."  
  
I stood up slowly, pushing Piccolo away. Dad was still standing there looking surprised and confused. I walked over to him and stood there, watching him for a moment.  
  
"That's too bad. I feel sorry for you, you missed out on something really wonderful. You made your choices dad. You saved the world. So what if you gave your family up, you saved the world. Your loss. All I have left for you is a lot of pity."  
  
He stood there looking uncomfortable and rubbed a hand through his hair. "I don't understand Gohan. I know you were sad that I left, I knew your mom would be sad too. But I thought it was for the best."  
  
"And did you think it was still for the best when it made mom so 'sad' she decided to follow you? But I guess that doesn't matter, I mean you're together now aren't you."  
  
He narrowed his eyes and took a step toward me. I stiffened and glared back at him.  
  
"Now Gohan, I didn't know that was going to happen. Your mother was a good woman and she did the best she could raising you. We were sorry we had to leave you but we knew you would be in good hands."  
  
"Good hands? What the hell is that suppose to mean?" I knew I was yelling but made no attempt to stop.  
  
"All of our friends of course. Gohan, your mother and I may be gone but there are still lots of people here to take care of you. Bulma, Vegeta, Piccolo of course, lots of people!"  
  
"Well gee Dad, what was I thinking? How stupid of me for wanting my own family. What was I thinking for wanting my own mom and dad there for me. But then I should have known better. I guess I really did mess up that bad didn't I? I knew right in that moment I wasn't good enough for either of you. That's ok, I understand that but you didn't even give..."  
  
I cut off my sentence before I could finish. "No. Never mind it doesn't matter. You made your choice, and now I'm making mine."  
  
I turned away from him and looked at Piccolo. "This is your brilliant mess, you take care of it. I'm going to go take a shower."  
  
Ignoring my old mentor and father I turned my back on them both and walked out of the kitchen.  
  
-------  
  
"You really are an ass you know that?"  
  
"What's that for? First Gohan and now you, I have no idea what's going on Piccolo! I really don't get why Gohan is so mad at me. You can tell he's been living with Vegeta though. Sheesh, what a grouch!"  
  
"Goku, didn't you ever bother to check in with your son, see what he's been up to?" I studied him but he just grinned and shook his head.  
  
"Nah, we figured Bulma had it all covered. Though I have to admit I'm a little confused now. Like that stuff Gohan was going on about, Goten? Who's Goten?"  
  
I sighed and pointed to one of the chairs tucked into the table. "Sit down, this could take awhile."  
  
TBC  
  
*Ok, I know I'm a jerk, this chapter is a bit later than it should be, but if it makes you feel better I have the next chapter mostly written so there shouldn't be a delay in that one, look for it Thursday. Anyway, my real reason for this one being a little late is all of your reviews. Holy cow, you people are all amazing!!! Your generosity and comments totally blew me away. And I was absolutely terrified of messing this chapter up. All the feedback I got from the last couple chapters...I didn't want to let you guys down. So I took my time and tried to do the best I could. I'm sure there are some of you (maybe a lot) that are going to be disappointed with the way I handled this scene, I'm not sure. And there is more of course, this isn't the end of the matter. But I hope I didn't disappoint you guys too bad. Thank you again for all of the reviews, they inspire me, terrify me, and plant my butt in my seat to get me going. :) * 


	13. Chapter 13

"For the Love of a Child"  
  
Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own DBZ or any thing related, nor am I making any profit off this. 'Sides I'm not so sure I want to own Goku, he's been a bit of a bastard, ne? Goten on the other hand... *chuckle* Oh yeah, almost forgot. I pinched a line from Everclear's Wonderful. Couldn't resist. *wicked grin*  
  
*Chapter 13*  
  
Goten and I were stretched out on the floor of my study, building a castle out of legos when dad showed up again later that afternoon. I had decided to keep Goten home for the day, feeling the need to keep him close to me, a solid thing to believe in amongst all this insanity. Besides, it had shaken him up a bit when he arrived home from school to find me passed out in bed. Damn. Isn't that exactly why I stopped beating myself up in the gravity room? So he wouldn't ever have to see me like that?  
  
Ironic really, I'd sworn to never repeat the mistakes my father made and instead I seem to be making a whole new set of my own. Isn't that just the way it goes.  
  
I had figured Piccolo would talk to dad after that conversation from hell in the kitchen this morning so it didn't really surprise me too much when there was a knock on the door and he stuck his head in. His eyes widened when he saw Goten and he slowly crouched down to the floor next to where he played. I moved back to the desk to give them a little room. I watched for the moment, willing to let Goten handle this new presence. I had never hidden his parentage from him, it was just one of those things that didn't seem to matter. I was the one who cared for him, loved him, kept him safe. When you're six its hard to imagine the world any bigger than your daily existence.  
  
He looked up finally from his building and studied dad.  
  
"Hello."  
  
Dad smiled slowly and scooted a little closer.  
  
"Hi. You must be Goten."  
  
"Yep." Goten watched for a moment longer, I could see the question forming in his mind and almost chuckled when he did ask.  
  
"Are you a ghost?"  
  
Dad looked surprised and then picked up one of the lego pieces. "Why do you ask that?"  
  
Goten grinned. "Cause Daddy showed me your picture once and said you were dead."  
  
Dad seemed to think about that for a moment and then slowly nodded his head.  
  
"Well I guess I'm sort of a ghost. You're right, I am dead, but you can still touch me and stuff."  
  
"Hmmm." Goten nodded and put a couple more pieces together finishing a wall and then settled back on his heels.  
  
"So how come you're here? Did you come to haunt us?"  
  
I smirked a little at the shock on dad's face and waited to see what he'd say.  
  
"Well, I thought...that is, Piccolo asked...umm...I don't really know." He shrugged finally.  
  
Goten was silent for a moment and then grinned. "You should talk to my dad then."  
  
Dad raised his eyebrows in surprise and looked up at me. "Why's that?"  
  
Goten grinned even bigger and laughed. "Cause my dad knows everything!"  
  
I couldn't help but smirk a little at that statement. Chalk one up for me, score- Gohan: one, Goku: zero. I knew it was a little petty but it's nice to know that at least Goten thinks I'm doing alright.  
  
Dad, to my surprise, looked a little sad at Goten's comment and watched me from his spot on the floor. "Oh yeah? I bet he's a really good dad too." He looked over at Goten and smiled. "Does he take you fishing?"  
  
Goten nodded and pointed out the window. "We go out sometimes and go swimming with the dolphins and stuff, and once there was even an orca whale! I drew a picture of it afterward and dad put it on the fridge."  
  
I watched the two on the floor, practically mirror images of each other and wondered briefly what Goten's life would have been like if I hadn't let Cell take my father away. Shaking my head to clear my thoughts I looked over and smiled at Goten.  
  
"Hey kiddo, why don't you go see if you can find Piccolo. Tell him that I said since he seems so determined to stick around, he can make dinner tonight."  
  
Goten giggled and jumped up flashing dad a grin. "Ok. Maybe he'll let me help too!" He stopped mid-charge out the door to turn back to dad who was still sitting on the floor. "Nice meeting you Mr. Ghost!" And then he was gone, a blur of black hair down the hall.  
  
I let the smile on my face disappear and the cold expression settle back over my features. Dad sighed and stood up to lean against my desk.  
  
"You don't smile very much anymore."  
  
"I fail to see how that is any of your business." I chose to ignore him and turned to click on my computer.  
  
"He's a pretty amazing kid, isn't he?" There was wonder in his voice and I looked at him sharply.  
  
"Don't get any ideas. You gave up all rights to him the day you decided to give up your family. You're dead, remember?"  
  
"Hey, I'm dead but I'm still around!"  
  
"Yeah, just like you've been around all these six years. Don't give me that crap. Just stay away from him. I refuse to have you suddenly come back into his life now that you know he exists, you'll only hurt him. He doesn't need that. And he definitely doesn't need you."  
  
"You're mother would have a thing or two to say about your language."  
  
"Well she's not here is she? Oh that's right, she decided to leave too. Huh."  
  
Dad studied me for a moment and then shook his head slightly. "Piccolo was right, I really did mess things up pretty bad didn't I?"  
  
I just stared at him, wondering where he was going with this.  
  
"I'm sorry I haven't been here for you. But you seem to be doing a great job, I always knew you were strong. I should have paid more attention to you all this time, I just got caught up in training and then your mom..."  
  
I narrowed my eyes at him and he stopped for a moment, rubbing a hand through his hair.  
  
"Gohan, you know I love you, I always will. I wish you wouldn't be so angry. I can't fix things if you don't give me the chance."  
  
I was up and around the desk in a flash, fists clenched at my side to keep myself from punching him through the wall. The world seemed to burn red as I grit my teeth together and snarled at the man I use to admire more than anything.  
  
"How dare you think you can just waltz in here all smiles and make things better. You left me. You basically announced to the world that you didn't want to be my dad anymore, and mom certainly doesn't seem to care all that much about Goten."  
  
He put his hands on my shoulders as if to calm me, I jerked away, growling at him.  
  
"Where were you? Where were you all those times I needed you the most? Where were you when I was alone and trying to figure out what to do? Where were you then?"  
  
I was furious, and pushed away from him. "You think you can make it up now? All that time lost? No. It doesn't work that way. Can I ever get back my childhood, my innocence? No! And you have the nerve to stand here and tell me you want to fix things. Go to hell."  
  
He looked as if I'd punched him in the gut but I didn't care. Good, I hope the bastard felt really bad. How could he think that after all this time he could just suddenly pretend that everything was alright? How could he act like my life didn't change the instant he chose to leave? All these years I've known that everything was my fault and that I could never be forgiven, so why was he here now, pretending that everything was fine? It left me feeling unsure and shaky. I felt vulnerable and I didn't like it.  
  
A bit of some lyrics from an old song I'd heard floated through my head. 'Some days I hate everything, every one and everything, so please don't tell me everything is wonderful now.'  
  
I knew I was lashing out at him but it was either swear at the man or collapse at his feet and beg forgiveness and I wasn't quite up to demeaning myself that far. I knew I owed him an apology, hell I owed the man my life but I couldn't seem to get it past the anger choking my throat.  
  
For the past six years I've survived, living with the single minded pursuit that everything was for Goten and his well being. Now after all this time, I'm being given my own chance to try again and yet I can't seem to get past my rage. I didn't know what to do anymore. I didn't know this man in front of me, I would probably always feel guilt and betrayal in association with him. I wanted to at least apologize but I didn't know how. I wanted to try again but was afraid of getting hurt. I wanted a second chance even though I knew it was too late. My anger turned to sorrow and I backed away from him, from the man I craved acceptance from but dared not ask.  
  
Instead I went back to my chair and slumped down, dropping my head in my hands.  
  
"What do you want from me?"  
  
I didn't look at him, wanting to hide my betrayal and bitterness. I didn't want him to know how much he had hurt me. I didn't want to look weak before him and I knew if he looked into my eyes he would see it all there.  
  
There was a soft sigh and I felt his hand rest on top of my head, fingers gently combing my hair and I felt my eyes burn and tried to force down the memories his gesture brought back to my mind. Memories of a time when I felt secure and took comfort in his presence. When I believed he was the bravest man, strongest man, and best dad in the whole world.  
  
"Gohan, look at me."  
  
I didn't and instead asked again, "What do you want from me? Why are you here?"  
  
His hand left my head and I felt the ghost of the little boy I use to be cry inside me from the loss. This was dangerous. Letting dad get this close to me, making me feel things I shouldn't feel, was a very bad idea. We were playing a game I knew I would lose. I felt anger swell inside me and I latched on to it, letting it build. Using my anger I was able to shove away my moment of weakness and look up at him glaring.  
  
His face crumbled into one of deep sorrow and he stepped back letting his arm drop to his side.  
  
"I don't know what I want Gohan. You're right, I thought I could come here for a visit and things would be just the way I remembered them. I thought you would be happy to see me and we could talk about what you have been doing all these years. I didn't know about Goten, I don't know why your mother didn't tell me. I can't make everything better."  
  
I wanted to stay angry with him forever. If I was angry I wouldn't have to feel hurt and guilty.  
  
"What do you want me to say? Do you want me to pretend it didn't hurt when you chose to leave me behind? Do you want me to pretend to be happy now that you've come for a visit? You would never have come if Piccolo hadn't dragged you down here. Do I mean that little to you?"  
  
He shook his head and tried to reach out toward me but I ignored his hand.  
  
"I caused your death and you're never coming back. I deserve whatever happens to me and I got over that a long time ago. You coming here doesn't achieve anything. It's not going to bring back mom or you or the last six years. It's just going to remind everyone had badly I screwed up."  
  
He tried to reach out for me again but I stood up, backing away. He watched me sadly for a moment and then stepped back a space himself.  
  
"So there isn't a place for me in your life anymore Gohan?"  
  
I balled my hands into fists and scowled, hating the look on his face and hating myself for what I was doing.  
  
"Your dead. You have no place in my life anymore, you gave it up six years ago."  
  
He watched me for a moment and then nodded slowly, deep sorrow etched on his face.  
  
"I'll go then. It was good seeing you Gohan. Tell Goten..." He stopped for a moment and then smiled sadly. "Nah, never mind. You just take care."  
  
I watched silently as he turned and walked away. Watched as the little boy screamed in my head. He was leaving me behind again. All these years I've played that day over and over in my mind. Things I should have done and said and now it's happening all over again. He's walking out of my life and I'll never get to see him again. My dad.  
  
I felt my world tip and I no longer knew what I should be feeling. Rage, scorn, and pity; these were all emotions I could understand and fuel. But what I felt now confused me. I looked at him, ashamed to find myself no longer angry but begging him for something I couldn't name.  
  
I was watching his back, watching him disappear again, and suddenly, I broke inside. I couldn't do this again. I couldn't leave the words unsaid this time.  
  
"I never got to say I was sorry. After you left I promised everything. I promised to be good forever if you would just come back. You never let me say I was sorry. I was bad I know. I messed up and you died and it was all my fault. I know. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I made you angry and made you go away. I'm sorry I made mom cry. And I never got to tell mom sorry either. She just left me. I was bad and so she left me."  
  
He turned around to look at me but I couldn't read his expression. I wasn't really aware of what I was saying anymore, I was fighting back sobs and my mind kept telling me I was twelve years old again and my father was leaving. I had another chance though, he hadn't left yet and maybe if I apologized he wouldn't leave me. Maybe I still had time.  
  
"I won't mess up again Dad, I promise. I'm really sorry I let Cell win, I'm sorry I got arrogant and messed up the fight. Don't go Daddy. Please don't leave me. Please Daddy. Please don't go."  
  
I could feel the tears on my face and heard the terror in my voice. I couldn't see the room anymore, my eyes were blurred and I thought for a moment I was back on the lookout listening to him say goodbye.  
  
"Oh no, Gohan, I'm the one who's sorry."  
  
I felt warm then and secure and realized he was holding me and sending waves of his energy into me, assuring me like he use to that he was there and I was safe. I fought the feeling, I knew it wasn't real. He had left and I never got to make that apology, whatever this was, it wasn't real.  
  
"Gohan, listen to me. Please kiddo, listen to me. I love you so much and I never meant for you to hurt this bad. I can't change what happened but you must know that it wasn't your fault. I'm sorry it had to be this way. I'm sorry you felt the need to come out here alone. I wish things could have been different."  
  
I choked on my tears and struggled in his arms but he held me tight and rocked me to him.  
  
"Gohan, it wasn't your fault. You weren't bad. God I'm so sorry. All this time you thought you were being punished? It wasn't your fault, you did great against Cell, I was so proud of you on that day. I'm still proud of you."  
  
I wasn't listening, his words seemed to flow around me, wrapped up in my pain and anger. The little boy screamed and cried and fought to keep this illusion of security.  
  
"Don't want to be alone. Please don't leave me alone. I'm scared. I don't know what to do." I realized the little boy had escaped where I'd kept him locked tightly away and couldn't stop his cries.  
  
"Please daddy don't leave me. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."  
  
"Gohan. It's ok. Son. I'm right here. I've got you."  
  
The little boy quieted, remembering that voice and taking comfort. He allowed himself to be cradled. I felt him relax and all the barriers I'd placed around myself and my pain seemed to relax with him. Dad was here. I felt his arms and his strength and stopped struggling. I felt his heart beat and his energy. I was losing control and was afraid, but his voice assured me that I was safe. I felt everything collapse inside me and my control gave out.  
  
"Dad." I didn't recognize the anguished cry as my own and then I was sobbing and shaking and holding on to him, never wanting to let go.  
  
TBC  
  
*Cliff hangers. I know I suck. Ok guys I PROMISED to have this Thursday and technically it is still Thursday here, 10:46pm to be precise. I have two (count them) TWO ten page papers due tomorrow and yours truly has not started on either one. I did mention I suck didn't I? So I beg your forgiveness for this being a wee bit later than a Thursday update would normally entail but college school work stinks and I got busier than I thought and didn't have as much time to write. I hope this chapter is ok, I know how much some of you hate Goku and you might feel I'm letting him off easy, I don't know. It was hard figuring out how I wanted Gohan to react. But remember, there has to be a resolution some where. Anyway, I'm off, gotta start on one of those papers, doubt I'll get them both done hope you didn't really mean it when you said it was due Friday, hehe. Thanks again for the great reviews, your comments are a boost to my poor ego and helpful as ever!* 


	14. Chapter 14

"For the Love of a Child"  
  
Disclaimer: I am not making any profit from this story, nor do I own the rights to any of the characters in this chapter (or most of the story for that matter).  
  
*Chapter 14*  
  
My tears slowed eventually and I stopped shaking. I realized dad was holding me, gently rubbing his hand on my back and was humming a song. I was startled to realize I recognized it as the lullaby I sang to Goten.  
  
"I always wondered how I knew that song. It was you?"  
  
I felt him nod slightly and he seemed to gather his thoughts for a moment before answering.  
  
"We use to go for walks while your mother rested. It always amazed me how tiny you were, at first I was afraid of hurting you. But you were so strong, you'd grab onto my fingers or hair and wouldn't let go. I would walk with you outside, singing you to sleep."  
  
He stopped and I could see tears gathering in his eyes making them shine.  
  
"I wanted to hold you like that forever, keep you safe and watch that smile of yours grow."  
  
He shuddered and the tears broke free from his eyes and slid down his face.  
  
"Instead I watched you become a soldier, watched you go away with Piccolo a little boy and come back a man. I was so very proud of you when I saw you again, but a part of me cried. I never wanted you to have to see the violence and destruction this world offers. I never wanted you to have to kill. I wanted you to stay that little baby sleeping in my arms.  
  
"I saw you smile through it all, you put your faith in me and those around you. I thought somehow you had remained untouched from the horror of it all. I convinced myself that you could handle anything and that you didn't need me anymore. I saw your strength and let it blind me from the truth. You were just a child. Just a child, and I took that away."  
  
He pulled away from me then and buried his head in his hands.  
  
"You put me to shame Gohan. Not only did you become the incredible fighter I knew you to be, but you surpassed me as a father as well. I have no rights to you now, you owe me no obligations. I can not take any credit for the man you have become."  
  
He looked up at me then and his eyes shone fiercely.  
  
"But I am so damn proud of you. And for all the days I have, and all the days to come I will always point you out and say, 'Look, look at him. Isn't he wonderful? Do you see that spirit and courage? That's my son...' Gohan, I am honored that you are my child, you have become a fine man. Worthy of all the grace in the world."  
  
I watched him, and didn't know what to tell him. I had always thought it was me that messed up. I was the unforgiven one.  
  
"Gohan, do you know the first thing I noticed when I saw you after all these years?" He was staring at me now, shoulders slumped in defeat. "It was your eyes. They're so cold now. I remember when you fought Cell, and you finally tapped into your full power. Your eyes became cold and hard. Ruthless. They didn't shine with that love of life you had. They were dead. I thought after you defeated Cell, that everything would be fine just they way it always had. I never got to see your beautiful eyes, full of joy again. You've changed so much and it's all my fault. God, I'd give anything to take back all of my mistakes. I'd do anything to see you smile again, hear you laugh. I'm so sorry Gohan."  
  
He was crying again and I felt helpless. I hated feeling this way, it reminded me of all the times I stood by and watched him fight and die. And now here he was begging for my forgiveness, for a crime I thought I had committed. Would I forgive him? Could I forgive him? He wasn't a bad man, he had never intentionally hurt me, instead he had always done what he thought was best for me. He said he hadn't known about Goten, but I'm not sure that whether he did or not, made much of a difference. I had never resented him for leaving me with Goten, I had resented him for leaving me. Could a person remain unforgiven forever?  
  
He was hunched over on the floor, holding his head in his hands, the picture of a completely defeated man. It wasn't right. He was suppose to be standing tall, laughing and carefree. I was surprised that it hurt to see him broken like this.  
  
Unforgiven.  
  
I thought about Goten. I thought about myself. I remembered dad and mom and our house in the woods. I thought about dad holding my hand and ruffling my hair.  
  
Could I forgive?  
  
I remembered laughter and sunshine. I remembered the good times that always followed the bad.  
  
It hurt. The demons inside screamed and the child cried. When had I lost my humanity? I had been falling deeper into my own darkness and hadn't even realized. I couldn't live for Goten, forever. I had to start living for myself as well.  
  
"Dad."  
  
He looked up at me slowly, despair and pain in his eyes.  
  
"I'm...we're...going to be ok. I mean...I think...it's going to be alright."  
  
He studied me for a moment and then the anguish slowly disappeared from his eyes. I nodded slightly. He watched me, uncertain and then smiled a little. Slowly, as if not to frighten me, with hope shining on his face, he opened his arms.  
  
I saw the darkness behind me, the emptiness and cold. The demons inside me howled from its depth. In front of me was dad. Offering a new chance. A chance to live again. I looked at the little boy, scared, with tear streaks down his face and took his hand. Clutching him tight I moved into dad's arms. I felt them close around me and I knew. I was finally home.  
  
-------  
  
I would like to claim that I knew everything would be fine once Gohan got a chance to talk to Goku again. In fact, I was terrified. I sent Goten out to pick vegetables and then stood outside the study door eavesdropping. Normally I am much to dignified for that sort of underhanded behavior, nor do I need to, my ears are extremely sensitive. In this case though, I was worried about what Gohan would do once he had his dad all alone. No, rather than eavesdropping I prefer to think of it as guarding the ones I care for. As part Guardian of the Earth, I considered it my prerogative to watch out for those important to me.  
  
I had been furious when I found out Goku knew absolutely nothing about what had transpired the last six years, including the existence of Goten. The anguish in Gohan's voice, as he crouched there in the kitchen, nearly broke me. The heart is such a fragile thing, no matter how strong a person might be, it is so easy to crush their heart. Sometimes I think Gohan is a little too strong. He doesn't allow himself to break down and cry his sorrow. Part of that is probably my fault. I was hard on him as a kid, his dad would have gone easier on him. I didn't. I saw the potential in Gohan and pushed and pushed until he excelled. Goku blames himself for Gohan becoming this ruthless solider, yet I am equally to blame. I took that little boy and turned him into a weapon.  
  
That didn't break him though. He smiled through it all and never lost his faith in the world and its capacity for goodness. I offered him nothing and he loved me anyway. Somewhere along the way he touched my heart and enabled me to find my own humanity. He was my first friend.  
  
When I closed my eyes I could still see him in my mind, not any older than Goten now, running towards me grinning and crying out, "Mr. Piccolo!" He isn't six anymore, nor does he smile the way he use to. I felt as if we had traded places and now it was Gohan who shut himself away from the rest of the world.  
  
There was silence coming from the study and I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. I waited for a moment, holding my breath and then heard Gohan speak.  
  
"Dad. I'm...we're...going to be ok. I mean...I think...it's going to be alright."  
  
I let out my breath and opened the door a little to see better. Goku was holding his arms open and then Gohan seemed to fall in to them. I watched them for a moment and then slowly closed the door. I leaned against the wall and sank down to the floor. My shoulders were shaking and my face felt wet and I realized I was laughing and crying at the same time.  
  
"How come you're crying? Are you sad?."  
  
I looked up in surprise to find Goten standing in front of me holding a bunch of carrots.  
  
"No, I'm not sad." I wiped a hand over my face and stood up, embarrassed to be caught in a moment of weakness.  
  
"How come you were crying then?"  
  
Had Gohan been this persistant? Goten was staring at me, eyes wide, as if he had absolutely no doubt I would answer his question. Wasn't there a time when I just had to look at somebody and they ran away? It never had worked on Gohan. Guess it didn't work on Goten either.  
  
"You know kid, you remind me of your dad so much sometimes, it scares me." He continued to stare at me and I couldn't help but laugh. "Occasionally people cry because they are happy."  
  
He looked at me in disbelief. "So you're happy?"  
  
I nodded and took the carrots out of his hands, nudging him back  
towards the kitchen.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"I don't think my dad has ever cried because he was happy."  
  
"Geez, kid. You can't just trust me on this one?"  
  
He gave me that disbelieving look again. Chuckling, I lifted him up onto the counter so he could watch me prepare the carrots. I cut off an end and handed it to him. He took a bite off of it and then shook his head.  
  
"When I'm happy I usually laugh."  
  
"Huh, well maybe crying when you're happy is a grown up thing."  
  
He shook his head again. "My dad laughs."  
  
I groaned in exasperation. "Well maybe it's just me then." I shoved another carrot end his way. "Here, eat this and stop asking me impossible questions."  
  
He took the carrot end and studied it for moment, before taking a bite.  
  
"Once, Uncle Vegeta shut his finger in the door but he didn't cry."  
  
I raised an eyebrow at him and continued chopping carrots.  
  
"Oh yeah? Maybe it didn't hurt that much."  
  
He shook his head and wrinkled up his face. "No, I'm pretty sure it did."  
  
"Why's that?"  
  
"Cause he said a whole bunch of really bad words and his face turned all red."  
  
I tossed Goten another carrot end. "That sounds like Vegeta."  
  
"Yep, and then later Trunks accidently dropped a plate and he said one of those words."  
  
Despite myself, I found I was rather entertained by Goten's little tale and couldn't help but ask, "So then what happened?"  
  
Goten grinned at me. "Bulma yelled at Trunks and then she yelled at Vegeta and chased him out of the kitchen with a big wooden spoon."  
  
I laughed. The arrogant Saiyan prince, domesticated. Who knew?  
  
"You're dad ever make you Piccolo stew?"  
  
He shook his head and looked at the vegetables lying on the counter waiting to be chopped.  
  
"What's Piccolo stew?"  
  
I pointed to an onion that was sitting next to him and he handed it to me.  
  
"When your dad was a little younger than you, I took him out to train. He called the soup I use to make 'Piccolo stew'. It's just vegetables and whatever meat you caught that day. He thought it was great because he got to help make it."  
  
"Like me!"  
  
I nodded. "His favorite part was the carrots and potatoes. He liked to eat the tops and skins."  
  
"You know, I came home and mom couldn't figure out why on earth I wanted to eat the potato scraps."  
  
I turned and saw Gohan standing in the doorway watching me with a strange expression on his face.  
  
"I had completely forgotten about Piccolo stew."  
  
"Hi Dad! I'm helping Piccolo make dinner!"  
  
"Hey squirt." Gohan smiled at the little boy and reached over to grab the last carrot end.  
  
I turned back to the onion I was cutting to hide my expression. It always amazed me how gentle Gohan was with that little boy.  
  
"Dad, do you ever cry because you're happy?" Goten was leaning forward, his head gently butting against Gohan's chest, eyes turned up questioningly.  
  
I swallowed back a groan. I should have known Goten wouldn't drop the subject without asking Gohan's opinion first.  
  
"Why do you ask that Goten?" He was studying the little boy seriously and then pulled him close for a hug. "Has something made you cry?"  
  
Goten shook his head and snuggled closer to Gohan. "No, but Piccolo told me that people don't always cry because they are sad. He said that sometimes grownups cry because they are happy."  
  
Well that didn't come out as bad as it could have.  
  
"But I only see you laugh when you're happy, so I was just wondering."  
  
Gohan chuckled a little. "Well you're both right I think. I can't ever remember crying because I was happy, but I'm pretty sure some people do."  
  
"I have."  
  
Goku was standing in the doorway, which Gohan had vacated a moment earlier.  
  
"You've cried because you were happy?" Goten was eyeing Goku with the same skeptical look he had given me and I bit back a laugh.  
  
"Yep."  
  
Goten looked back towards me and I nodded, smiling slightly. He let out a sigh and then smiled. "Ok."  
  
I handed him a couple pieces of potato skin in consolation. "Here, make sure you share with your dad."  
  
Goten gave one of the pieces to Gohan and then ate his own. He looked at the remaining potato peel in his hand and then over to where Goku was still standing in the doorway.  
  
"Can ghosts eat potatoes?"  
  
Goku nodded slowly and Goten squirmed down from where he sat. He approached the older man and held out the potato peeling.  
  
"Here, you can have some if you want. You could probably stay for dinner too if it's ok with my dad." Goku took the piece of potato from the little boy and looked down at it as if he couldn't figure out how he had gotten it. Goten ran back over to Gohan and grabbed his pant leg.  
  
"Right dad? The ghost can stay for dinner?"  
  
Gohan chuckled and knelt down next to the little boy. "He has a name Goten, he probably doesn't like being called 'the ghost' all the time."  
  
"I know dad, but can he stay?"  
  
"Why don't you ask him if he wants to stay. He might have other houses to...haunt or something." Gohan snickered a little and I almost joined in, but Goku glared at me and seemed to be judging the distance between me and his piece of potato so I turned my back and pretended to ignore them all, while watching them in the reflection cast from the window in front of me.  
  
Goten looked expectantly over at the man standing in the doorway. "Would you like to stay and eat dinner with us? We're having Piccolo stew."  
  
Goku looked toward Gohan as if seeking approval and walked a little further into the kitchen.  
  
"Yes." Goku smiled, shyly at first and then a little broader. "Yes, I think I would like to stay for Piccolo stew."  
  
TBC  
  
*Well here you go, a new chapter just like I promised. I didn't get as much writing done over break as I'd have liked so actually, this is the 'only' chapter I wrote, I was hoping to get more done but it just wasn't to be. Thank you everyone for your Thanksgiving wishes and nice comments. I hope you enjoy the chapter, I probably had way too much fun making Goten as ornery as possible . See you all next week!* 


	15. Chapter 15

"For the Love of a Child" 

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball Z or any of the characters, I just borrowed them and played with them and now I'm putting them back.

Chapter 15

The next day dad left.

I didn't mind, I had known he couldn't stay and it didn't hurt like it had last time. I had made my peace with him and myself. I looked over to where Goten watched from a top Piccolo's shoulders and smiled because this time I knew I wasn't alone.

As I watched Dad disappear with a smile and a wave I remembered what he had told me last night as we watched Goten sleep.

"You make a much better father than I ever did. I never meant to hurt you or anyone else, I guess I made a better fighter than a dad. Though it might not seem like much, I did the best I could with what I had."

He looked over at me and smiled and I nodded, finally understanding. That's all we really can do, try our hardest and pray to not mess up too bad.

I did the best I could with what I had.

What was my best? I looked over at Goten and felt that warm glow I had missed so much recently. His joy and happiness was my best. I knew there would be fear, I had defined myself for the past six years in terms of him and I was slowly going to have to change that definition. It was time I stopped letting my fear of being alone, dictate my life. For the first time in six years, the demons in my head were silent.

"Hey Goten, how about that flying lesson you asked for?"

I watched him concentrate, trying to gather his energy and felt proud. It didn't scare me so badly now to think of him growing up. He would never truly leave me, because I carried him inside my heart. Flying wasn't taking him away from me, it was bringing him closer. This was part of his heritage, a little piece of who we are and where we came from. A little piece of dad, a little piece of his strength; and watching Goten, I knew it was also a little piece of his joy as well.

Piccolo looked over at me and cocked his head. "So what made you change your mind?"

I grinned and flicked a small energy ball at him that he swatted away before it had a chance to singe his cape.

"I just realized I had you to mess with, old man."

He snorted and looked back towards Goten, who had his face scrunched up in frustration, I laughed and was walking over to help him when I heard Piccolo's soft reply.

"Just don't forget that kid."

It was Piccolo who taught me how to fly. He had always been there for me. He died, saving my life in that first battle against Vegeta. Piccolo says I brought him humanity, I know it hurt him to see me obviously struggling with my own inner demons. I know he wanted nothing more than to make everything better. And in a way he did. He had been my mentor, friend, uncle, father, and savior. In fact, he still was. He understood, probably better than anyone else how I felt about Goten.

I realized as Goten slowly lifted off the ground, that Piccolo had never left my side. All I had to do was call and he would have come. He was the force that put me back together when I didn't even know I was falling apart. I didn't have to fear not being strong enough, I had people like Piccolo that would support me whenever I needed the extra strength. I would never be alone, even when Goten went his own way, I wouldn't be alone.

"Look dad, I did it!"

Goten was flying, hesitantly and cautiously, but he was there.

"That's fantastic Goten! And I didn't even have to chuck you off a cliff or throw you at any mountains to do it." I looked over at Piccolo and grinned, and he just shook his head.

"It worked didn't it? You can fly can't you? What are you complaining for now?"

Goten laughed and faltered a little, turning towards me, he crashed into my arms and I pulled him close.

"That was a great first try Goten, do you want to go again?"

He nodded and I set him on the ground. He didn't take as long the second time to get off the ground and was more sure of himself in the air.

I suppose my greatest fear was that someday Goten would fall, and I wouldn't be there to catch him. I didn't ever want him to feel that he was alone, I didn't want him to ever find himself in the same position I had found myself in the day my parents died. I had been just like Goten at one point, and then the world just got to be a little to harsh and something broke inside me. With a little help from Piccolo and Goten I was mended, but I would never be the same person I had been. I didn't want that to happen to Goten, I would do anything to preserve his sunshine and bright soul.

"Look at me dad! Look Piccolo!"

He swooped around in circles laughing and made a grab for Piccolo's turban, but Piccolo dodged it and shook his fist.

"Hey don't you have any respect for your elders, brat? You watch it or I"ll blast you out of the sky."

Goten just laughed and made another grab for the turban. Piccolo growled and swatted him on the butt as he zipped past.

"Go pester your dad, you troublesome child."

"Hey dad, come fly with me! Can we go over the ocean?"

Goten settled his arms around my neck and perched on my back. I reached up and ruffled his hair and then took off into the air myself.

"You coming Piccolo?" I looked down at the tall Namek, but he just shook his head slightly and smiled.

"Maybe another time, kid. I have an errand I need to do."

Goten left me and flew over to where Piccolo was standing and hovered so he was level with his face.

"Are you coming back Piccolo?"

Piccolo looked surprised and then smiled a little smugly. "Why are you going to miss me?"

Goten cocked his head to the side and then threw his arms around Piccolo's neck. "Yeah, you're a lot of fun. Can you come back?"

Piccolo looked down at the boy in his arms in surprise and then smiled again.

"Sure, I'll come back. You'll see me again before you know it."

I couldn't help but grin at Piccolo. "Ah Piccolo, you getting soft in your old age?"

He scowled at me and threw several energy balls my way that I caught and juggled, smirking at him.

"Definitely getting soft."

We watched Piccolo fly off and then I grabbed Goten and tossed him up in the air. "Well go on then, let me see how fast you can fly." He laughed and took off and I followed behind.

The ocean reflected the blue of the sky back up at us and in that moment, with Goten laughing and trying to tackle me out of the air and into the water, I realized this was what he was born to do. Goten was a child of the sunshine and light. My time with him was all the more precious because it couldn't last forever. But I knew he would never entirely be gone. The rooms of our home sang with him, they told stories of his laughter and joy. And my heart and soul sang with the memories he had brought to me and I knew I would never be cold again.

"Hey dad?"

"Yes?"

"What day is tomorrow?"

"Thursday."

"Do I have school tomorrow?"

"Yep."

"Ok."

I don't think I'll have any more trouble sleeping. I think the demons have all been slain. I won't ever be the child I was before I lost everything, but I'm ok with that. I'm a new person, a different person, maybe a little stronger even. And when Goten leaves, I'll be sad, but I'll be able to continue because I know he'll come back; and I'll be here waiting for him every time.

I thought I was lost, wandering alone in the dark and then I realized I had a light with me the entire time. It was inside me, and once I found it, I knew I would never lose it again. I'll be strong, but there will be times when I'll fall down. That's ok now, I can see the people around me who are there to pick me up. And when Goten falters, I'll be there to help put him together again, and we'll teach each other what it means to be brave.

The End

What? The end? What the hell? I know, I know- I'm sorry. And I'm really sorry for turning into 'one of those' authors who doesn't update regularly even though THEY PROMISED. My bad. But...but...but...I had finals. And now I'm on break and I struggled and struggled and STRUGGLED, to write this thing. And I decided that this was where and how I was going to end it. I don't know I could have added more, I thought about it, but then it just would have gone on and on and on and on...and well you get the picture. And I want to move on and try some new things. I sincerely hope you all enjoyed this story. It was a lot of fun and I really enjoyed every single one of your responses, it never occurred to me that people would get so involved in this little plot of mine. It's been a blast, and you made my semester bearable. Thank you everyone for all of your support. Take care! -srusse87


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